A
female
age
36-40,
*annah5066
writes:Where to begin…I’m a 22 year old student. My parents divorced when I was 7. My father left my mother and I in a bad way both financially and psychologically. I changed my name and my father out of my life in 2004 and feel better for it (although i still feel a great deal of resentment towards him (as he has a new baby, wife etc etc).I generally find it hard to open up to people and have been told I’m hard to read/difficult to understand etc etc. I don’t date people partly because I’m a full time law student and I don’t have the time, but partly because I pride myself on never having been hurt before.I have recently accepted that I am bisexual and I have been sleeping with a girl who goes to my uni since late September.The last time we slept together I looked at her and felt nothing, physically, mentally and emotionally. I felt absolutely empty inside and although I was going through the physical motions I felt so hollow that I was in shock afterwards and it really freaked me out.I don’t understand how I can go from one extreme of sleeping with her less than a week before and experiencing feelings I’ve never had before; to looking at her and feeling absolutely nothing. I haven’t slept with her since and when I think about the time we spent together I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I just feel emotionally empty and unable to really develop proper relationships, my head is a mess and I don’t know what is going on.I’ve never done one of these things before so any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): It's often the case that a person believes sexual emotion is the same as neurtual emotion, however it is dangerously different. I can see why you're feeling empty, and why you don't see your girlfriend in quite the same way. You masked feelings with something else that reared its head through a bisexual relationship. Now you feel cheated and disallusioned to the expectation of something complete in your life. Unfortunately the unity of the proper parental family influence would have been that 'completeness' for you. Given your circumstances this level of neurture has been taken from you. Self worth is extremely important. Knowing that you are worth something to somebody helps to give stability and an encouragement to support your emotional wellbeing (not sexual emotion, but spiritual emotion) If you want me to suggest something practical, then why not find friends you can hug. Close your eyes and hug for a few seconds and when you do, bring a sense of peace and belonging with the action of hugging, but don't expect more, nor give anymore. Keep it controlled but meaningful. Use those elements of spiritual emotion to build yourself up. Even explain to your friends why you do it and the need to do it. It's nothing tacky nor sexual, just a real basic simple hug - but remember to let your mind draw in those feelings of neurture. You're not using your friends....hugs like that have more of a genuine state that any other, and you can learn that this simple connection with close friends is enough to make you realise that you are worth are great deal. To yourself and to your friends.
I hope and wish for you every happiness - that the times of joy may be highly valued, and the times of lows help you to reflect on the qualities of life.
Finally, Jesus Christ has the power to change your life completely - if you want to believe - truely and sincerely ask Him to help you believe, and He WILL show you how it can be done.
A
female
reader, Hannah5066 +, writes (18 October 2007):
Hannah5066 is verified as being by the original poster of the question first of all..thank you to those who have answered my questions. You don't know how much i appreciate your comments. I think you're all right and I will make an appointment with the campus Doctor. I guess it's just time to move on and ge rid of the old emotional 'cobwebs'. Seriously though, thanks a lot guys i really do value your responses.HannahX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): I'm never quick to get on the 'go see a psychiatrist' bandwagon, but in your case it's about the only thing I can recommend.
The way you feel now is almost certain to have been caused by what happened to you and between your mother and father years back.
I wish I could say more, but that's it I'm afraid!
Phil
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A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (18 October 2007):
 Dear Hannah 5066
Even thou you have had a lot of stress in your life, and of course has you are a student, i suppose that wont help, i am glad you have decided to contact us, because if you reach out to some one, it prove you that you are aware of your problem which is a very good start, in your position i would think about seeking help and advise from a professional person, who can spend time with you and help you through your past and present issues,i am sorry that i am not trained in this field, so am not able to help you as much i would like to have,do you have a councilor at your college who you can approach or even your own Doctor who may be able to put you in touch with a self help group.I wish you well,it is brave of you to admit you have a problem you should be proud of yourself.
dapone 1
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