A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have joined a dating site. I have seen a profile of my life long best friends soon to be wife. She is active on it and it says she is single. What do I do? If I told him would it end up where she lies to him and I get classed as a trouble causer? If I dont tell him, then one day it could turn out that I could have spared him a lot of pain and trouble. Could someone else be using her photo perhaps? What are your thoughts?
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female
reader, Taurus2012  +, writes (6 December 2012):
 Hello, i think you should tell him. He will dicide will continue or broke up. If hes your best friend, you want best for him. You dont want to see "lies" for him. You will feel guilthy.
Best wishes,
Taurus2012
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): Dishonesty may be the issue in all of this. Honesty clears up miscommunication and prevents further confusion.
Being 'secretive' can appear that someone has the intention to HURT her and him and their relationship; and she could say its not her and its the 'anon' person who sent the email in the first place.
HOnesty, Love, Concern for a Friend has no times for games.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): I would set up a new email account and send him the link. Then he knows but doesn't shoot the messenger.
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A
female
reader, Roxypuss +, writes (2 December 2012):
I agree with everyone above honesty is the best policy it may be nothing it may be an issue with their relationship that they need to discuss. Send the link but if he comes to you for advice I'd steer clear of giving any, you gave him some information but influencing what he does next will get you into trouble and all you know is that there's a profile it's up to him and her to discuss why it's there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): I think you owe it to your friend to say something. If it was the other way around, wouldn't you want to know?
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (2 December 2012):
 Show him exactly what you have seen. It is likely that he does not know she`s an internet cheat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): I would do as the Uncles suggest. One desires to marry someone honest, trustworthy and not someone who might be a serial cheat.Forward the the link and let him decide what will happen.There could be many reasons but out of friendship and concern, you forward the link.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2012):
 Did they met at this dating website? Could be an old profile that she isn't using anymore.
Yes, I would let him know but I would try and make it low key like Cerberus said. I'd copy & paste the link and e-mail it to him.
IF she IS still active on the site and ACTIVELY looking for other dudes, your buddy has a right to know. Specially BEFORE he marries her. It won't be YOUR fault if this breaks them up, if she is cheating or trolling dating sites, then that is ALL on her.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (2 December 2012):
 I think some may tell you to keep out of it for a variety of reasons. If I was in your friends situation, I would want to know. I would be more angry at something like this being held back from me. He deserves to know exactly who he is marrying. It could be he doesn't mind her playing online or enjoys being cheated on, although, I very much doubt it. Don't tell him what you have seen. Show him what you have seen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): Just email or Facebook a message of the link to the profile saying something like "this chick looks like *****, think I should go for her and we have a matching set? :P"
OP I wouldn't make a big deal out of it at all. That may cause trouble. Let him know in a nonchalant way.
Maybe she logs in every once in a while out of curiosity but doesn't engage anyone on it.
Don't "tell" him, email him the link. That way when he sees the link he'll be at a computer and won't go to her first asking for an explanation only to have her delete it before he can see it.
Take a few screenshots first though, just to cover your ass.
But yes, this is something he should know isn't it?
If the roles were reversed you'd like him to tell you, wouldn't you?
It's not trouble making, you're just giving a friend, your best, the heads up. Just do it in a fun joking way and as its possible some other chick looks exactly like her or may be using her pic then make those the default assumption.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 December 2012):
 I would make sure you get proof of it first if you plan on telling him so that you have concrete evidence so it doesnt blow up in your face.
Take screenshots, photos, whatever. Just so you have back up. If he is your best mate then you wont want him to get hurt so I dont really think you can stay silent on this if they are going to be wed soon. It would be easier for him to cut ties now if needs be than rather him have to get a divorce if he finds out on his own down the line.
Like you said, someone may be using her picture, who knows? Just get some evidence and do with it what you feel is right and then the ball is in his court to make his mind up on what to do.
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (2 December 2012):
 send him a link to the profile and tell him you find this profile very interesting...dont tell him who it is.
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