A
male
age
41-50,
*hanatos
writes:Dear All,I'm looking for advice on saving our 8 year marriage.I'll admit it, we got married young, personally I have no regrets as I still love her unquestionably, however I'm sure some will point to the age issue as the reason for this problem - we got married at (me 21 and my wife 19) I am now 29.Over the past year, things haven't been going well for us, we were happy, we've both tried to be happy, alas she has told me she is currently 'unhappy' with life and believes its our long term relationship that is the cause. She says we have changed and moved in different directions since we first got together and now we are not the same people we once were. Unbeknown to me, she has been this unhappy for a while, secretly (or rather on her own)she has been trying to better herself to try and be happy with me, alas she has said it hasn't worked.Over the past weekend, I knew something was up, so decided to confront her (in a nice way) as to why she has given up any emotional contact with me - for example I tried to give her a hug, yet got nothing.She has gone back to University full time, which has meant us living apart (different countries). The main reason was to gain a career and I fully support her, in terms of encouragement and finance.Yesterday however she said a side reason was to get away from me, to try and see if she misses me - it relight the fire. I've gone to see her regularly, however she hasn't really missed me, and she has said she is happier living apart - although she has said she is still not completely happy.As you would expect I am completely gutted. we had so much mapped out for our lives, holidays (places she wanted to go), trips - I never imaged a life without her.Now the only saving grace of all of this, is she says she still loves me (we were both emotional yesterday, and I do believe her), and doesn't want to hurt me and wants to try and make it work.She has said, I've done nothing wrong (however maybe nothing wrong, but perhaps not everything right...?) and if we do give it a go, she has said I mustn't change the way I am. I of course, will do anything and everything to save our marriage (I will not however make her life unhappy if she really does want to call it a day, by keeping on at her to 'give it another go')So, what pointers can anyone provide?We have agreed to spend Christmas together and then have a 3mth break (no daily phone calls - perhaps a couple of times a week) and see how it goes.Is that a good idea? I obviously will do everything, but I'm not going to go overboard with things I wouldn't normally do, its fake, its not me and it will be obvious and not genuine.Do you think, a holiday would be a good idea straight after the 3month break? i.e. met at the airport! away from the home, away from the uni home? Last year we had a fantastic holiday and I remember how much we felt in love (I don't know how much of it she was 'trying') but I felt we had a great time.Thank you for your time, and sorry for the length of this questionRegards.
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