A
female
age
41-50,
*anelee.sg
writes:My boyfriend and I been dated for 2 yrs, we always talk abt getting married but he didn't propose even I told him I wish to settle down. He put all his priority to his career so he didn't propose even few mths later, when i wanted to breakup with him, he came n beg me and say he already planning it but I find my own pride can not take it, as I wish he can be like other man who can give the girlfriend a surprise and fairy tale experience.Inside my heart I know he has every intention to propose and future with me and he is serious about this relationship. I know the reason he didn't pop the question as soon as I expect is because he is always busy with his job and he usually don't have time to plan the proposal. But, whenever I think that as a girl, I have to initiate the proposal I get really angry with myself and with him. I even comtemplating to leave him so that he can feel bad for not taking the lead in this issue. But i also know he is a great guy, a responsible man and someone I want to spend my lifetime with. Please help.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 April 2008):
 Hi, I understand you want a fairy tale romance and for him to be romantic and give you this magical story of a perfect proposal and then as fairy tales always end, you both live happily ever after. Doesn't that sound great?
I do understand, really I do. But let me tell you what I think a truly romantic man does.
He fixes things around the house, because he wants it to be perfect for you AND himself. He makes sure the car is in good mechanical order, because he wants you to be safe in it. He switches gears from being a spouse or boyfriend and go out into the sometimes nasty world of business and his career to make sure that he does the best he can there so that when you two are together, you'll have the best he can offer. He'll be abrupt on the phone because he doesn't want to lose his 'edge' at work. He puts you first almost all the time, but he also has to put himself and his career first sometimes because that is what is needed to get things done.
When he's in his 20s and 30s, he has to focus on his career and do things that seem to exclude you because that is the cold hard reality of the business world.
It's a delicate balancing act for any man, keeping things moving forward in both the career and in the personal relationship with his woman. Sometimes things go a bit lopsided one way or the other, but I expect he's doing the best he can.
He wants to be appreciated for all that he does, without having to ask for it, just as she wants to be swept off her feet and be made to feel she's the most important thing in his world.
Try to understand what he's going through, try to be patient and loving, and recognize that he's not trying to be mean or hurtful; he's doing what he can to keep his head above water in this world.
You can be strong and self-confident too, and decide how long you can wait for the proposal. If you feel you need an answer right away, then let him know that, but if you do see him as your life partner, then let him know that too. Just be patient and loving as long as you can possibly stand it, and try to get him to understand in the most positive way you can that he means so much to you...
All the best.
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (25 April 2008):
 If you love your bf as you say you do then don't rush it.
OK maybe in your country girls do get married younger but you are not old yet so bear with him for about 6 months and see if he brings up the subject. Sometimes when you back off the man will then take the lead, the more you badger him to do it the more he will go into reverse.
Keep yourself busy with other things and even talk about a holiday or something so that you can get some YOU time together as it is often when we are most relaxed that the unexpected can happen.
Don't push him away as it is all very well saying about possibly leaving him but he has talked about getting married and you have said about how much he is serious about your relationship so let him be the man and let him do the running OK. Men like the chase.
Don't punish him by breaking up with him as he could then think oh well so doesn't really love me as she wouldn't hurt me in this way and try to force me into marrying her. Would you want to live your life feeling like you had made him do it rather than him choosing to do it out of love for you as that would be a stronger relationship if you let him do it in his own time. Maybe he is working hard so that he can afford to marry you and just hasn't said anything to you as he is trying to save for an engagement ring.
Just try to be patient and just do nice things for him, cook him a nice meal and just spend some quality time together OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): As a man, I hear things I don't like, and it boils down to pressure from you, ultimateum.
I don't know either of you, but when I read gifts and fairy tales, I feel that over time, I will not be able to keep up with your fairy tales of a night and shinning armour and also having to live in reality.
It would be loving to wine and dine you, but then work drops its heavy load on my foot: they don't believe in fairy tales, just hard work.
As a man, I want to please my girl. What I have learned during 20 plus years of marriage, is that the wife always wants the fairy tale, and today, were both in hot soup because she feels she didn't get enough. With hectic jobs, kids, bills, trying to put a roof over there head and food on the table, Ive come to the realization that I've short changed myself. That my needs have not been met. A shoulder to cry on when I was down; cuddling, hugs and sex are all lacking. Now she has gotten a job, and feels her freedom, for she felt trapped all those years. Oh great, so now she wants even more, she's doing less around the house, and I'm still not satisfied in getting my needs met. In order to get them, I either have to find someone else, or hire a prostitute.
After what I feel I've been through in this marriage, you sound to me to be selfish, only thinking of yourself. Saying sweet things to your guy is not being intimate and caring. You need to get connected just as he will need to get connect to your needs. Men I believe (not all but the good ones), don't consider there own needs until it is to late, then they end up blowing up, getting mad, swearing, just a real bastard.
I hope you reconsider your path and open dialogue with your mate and be a little more patient. 20 years from now, you'll appreciate this. The dynamics of a marriage/relationship change. And if your not aware of all the little subtle changes, you be faced with a pie in the face. Kind of like the commercial where the dad is pushing his young son, 8 years old in a swing. The son leaves the viewers eyes and when he reappears in the camera view, he is a 21 year old, which he crashes into his unaware dad and knocks him on his behind.
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