A
female
age
36-40,
*angent
writes:Hi,I need your perspective to get healed faster.A year ago, I fell in love with my close friend of 6 months whom I knew for quite few years. He proposed me,I had deep admiration and love for him,I said yes instantly. We were/are in different states, hadn't met during this time n ever after!His ex had same name as my second name. But I didn't think it could become an issue, for he was so mature n was so in love with me.After about 3 months he started to drift away, wasn't talking to me for weeks unless I call! I was very patient.Gave him enough space. Talked openly but he never opened up. Was just saying he needs time and also he had just started his company so I really did not want to bother him cuz even I had dreamed for him.But this never changed, just briefly for few days he would be normal,just like good friends.I was going through hard time and didn't get enough moral support from him even after I had told how depressed I was.More than 10 months with little or no effort from him to understand me, I finally fought with him told if he was not happy then to let everything to be over. Because he was happy without me, partying, socializing. I was just waiting for him like a fool.Then on new year he sms's me wishing me all the best, asks for forgiveness and breaks up. What can I say to that. Said okay and told him to call and talk once. He did not anyway.I was trying to cope up with that then really got infuriated for I knew he had no right to play with my dreams. So I harshly told him if he had done it purposefully other than falling out of love it'll turn bad for him. I had deleted him from Facebook even after saying he wants to remain friends. He was like, wants me as a friend for life. And I'll remain as special. I said, it doesn't make sense.We fought on sms, again both said sorry. He said, my name reminds him and his friends(wtf) of his ex, who had hurt him bad! I was in so much disbelief.(I know it was an excuse). I was like what about me(didn't say though)I am glad the stupid relation ended, what I am going through is I had at least respected what was between us. Tried to save it if had any chance, but he kept on telling we don't understand each other well. For him I was just a name not a person. That is killing me from inside. I loved him so much and I am not even sure if he was ever moved on from his previous relationship.I will never ever believe in love again, for he was my closest friend. He was really mature before he started to leave me clueless, dunno what happened to him.I want to heal. I know I was wrong by putting so much trust. But that's because I am quite innocent in love. He was the first bf and person I ever thought would be a perfect partner.I cry gallons when I'm alone, want to hate him but I can't. Guess have forgiven him. And I remember only good times. I want to forget him.
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female
reader, lacrymosa_652  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 You're only going to drive yourself crazy over-analysing why he did what he did. It's hard, but try and accept that it's over. He isn't the great person you thought he was, and tell yourself that you deserve better. Even though he was your first, he won't be your last. When you let go of him, you can move on and meet other people. Don't let this situation ruin love for you.. yes it hurts, and yes it's hard to move on, but the first thing to do is accept that what's happened as happened, and he doesn't deserve you.I can't tell you why he did what he did, but maybe the distance was too much. Long-distance relationships are unlikely to work. But just focus on other things, go out with friends, keep yourself busy. With time, you'll think of him less, even if it does take a lot of time, you'll move on eventually.
A
female
reader, tangent +, writes (26 February 2011):
tangent is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Cry, yes that's true..Just wishd I knew what had really happpened. If some of my action made him stop loving me. I certainly wasn't clingy. Dunno why he kept on saying I complained more than understanding. When only time I used to complain or ask him was when it was more than 3-4 weeks that he called me.
I was calling him myself most of the times (atleast 2-3 times a week)since our working hours were different . Then I stopped thinking him should give me equal time.
I knew he was giving me signs, I asked him openly if he want a break from relationship since he was focused on career he just kept on giving ambiguous signals. I was okay even with a nice break or a long wait or if he couldn't connect with me then a breakup. He was not clear at all. At the end told he isn't heartless as I think & I am nice girl and wishes good for me. I don't understand what he meant by that. Did he take advantage of me, then felt guilty so stopped it? Atleast he shouldn't have proposed me for a marriage and so my committment.I'm clueless why he said I have not understood him at all, despite my patience & support. When he had never ever tried to put a little effort himself. If I asked him to share any concerns he would say since childhood he keeps them for himself, doesn't want to make his beloved feel sad. never opened up. If I fight , he would say he wouldn't fight back and used to say, he doesn't want to argue. Always made me feel like an idiot to the point I started doubting myself.
He was so caring at the beginning. at the end he did not even calll me when I was hospitalized, just sms. He avoided by all means to talk to me over phone.
It's over still he is the first person to come in my mind as I wake up. I am tryng to concentrate on my work totally but while travelling I get sad. My family & close friends knew abt us too.
I am quite strong yeah time should heal me. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, cry  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 Only time will heal you, and make you stronger too.
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