A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I have posted about this previously but I'm still in the same predicament. Basically, I am currently dating a lovely guy but I'm really unsure of my feelings for him. We met online but decided to be friends (he was keen, I didn't feel it 100 percent). I've been single for a while and had a 5 year relationship at a young age which I ended as I realised I wasn't 'in love'. I have always believed in 'love' and that some people just make you feel that special feeling. I know I have felt it before but somehow things just never work out. I'm not getting that feeling with my new guy and I'm sooo frustrated. He is extremely sweet, and can't get enough of spending time with me, texting etc. Physically he is attractive enough to me but I just feel that 'something' missing. I have spoken to him about it so he is aware, he says he would be gutted if things ended but would stay friends (as that was a condition of mine when he asked me to give things a go), but when says 'so what is your decision? I can't bring myself to say that I just wanna be friends. Something seems to stop me. I really like his company, and I know that he would be there for me, way more than other blokes have. I think I should call it before his feelings are hurt, but I feel maybe its too soon. Then part of me thinks that feelings could develop, but I've never believed this. I just want to know what people think? Is true love real or do you think people generally 'settle' with a nice partner? I really don't want to hurt him but my indecisiveness is all I can think about. Why am I always attracted to blokes that treat me badly??!
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (3 March 2014):
 He's not exciting enough, is that it? You wouldn't be the first woman to be attracted to bad boys and you won't be the last. Why do we like them so much? Maybe because they're exciting and daring and bad, and we feel we can change them enough so that they'll still retain that bad edge but be the perfect guy, which hardly if ever happens, LOL. How do we get over this fascination? If we knew the answer to that millions of women would be with guys who treated them like crystal.
But what I can suggest with your current fellow is maybe giving it time. Some people claim to feel the lightning bolt of love within the moment they see someone, for others it can take a long time to grow to love someone. As for his feelings being hurt, you could ask him beforehand if he's willing to risk it. He might be the one to make the choice to walk away.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (21 February 2014):
 I tried both scenarios. I settled with my now ex husband, but it ended in divorce. A few years later, I fell madly, passionately in love, and ended up getting a broken heart in the end. Which experience do I regret the most? Without a doubt my ex husband (the guy I settled for). I consider that "wasted" years, and wish I could turn back the clock to erase that experience, not because I was hurt by it all, but because I gave into societal pressure that I had to be married by a certain age. Do I regret the love affair where I fell madly in love? Never! If I could have that experience all over again, I would do it in a heartbeat, even if the outcome was the same. From both experiences I've learned a valuable lesson: If I don't feel a connection with someone, if an important ingredient is missing, then I'm wasting time with that person. That special connection is so important. It adds dimension, flavour, rhythm and vibrancy to your existence. My advice? Don't settle.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): Before my boyfriend was my boyfriend, i haden't really noticed him until around 3 months before he asked me out. But him? Well, he apparently had a crush on me half way through year 7. Now, we're both in year 8. so the point? feelings can change. Just hang in there for a bit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): As someone that believes I have 'settled' I would say if this is what you feel you would be doing with this guy then dont.
Yes, it is possible for feelings to grow into something more, this has happened to me and I am now in love with someone that I can now never be with, and maybe you need to give it a little longer before you really know, but if he is not the one you need to put your feelings first and not worry so much about his feelings or you might bring a world of hurt to the both of you.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, devont +, writes (21 February 2014):
 My advice: don't settle. I was with my ex for five years and would have married her, but it would have been the biggest mistake of my life because I would have settled. No matter how well we got on, or loved each others family, or what values we shared, we weren't meant for each other. There was something missing. I tried to make it work because she was really NICE, but it was pointless. I never believed in true love or 'the one'. I thought that you met someone that you liked and made a life with them. You grew to love them. Put up with them even. Then I met my girlfriend and that all changed. I knew on our first date that I would fall in love with her, and within a month I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. I know that she is meant for me, she is my one. Your boyfriend deserves someone who is completely into him, and you deserve the same. You know you would be settling and you already know that you need to end it with him. Just try not to make the mistake I made and take four years to do it, it might prevent you from meeting someone special. It is not fair on him OR you.All the best.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (21 February 2014):
Obviously true love is real but if you have no good reason why you aren't into him it may be something you need to talk about with a therapist. Maybe you're attracted to the wrong type of guy?
If you think that's silly then he could just be a little boring. I wouldn't settle, you're likely to regret it.
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