A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been married for 3 years, we have a daughter who is one year old. I love my child very much. My problem is I dont have any feelings for my wife. We rushed in during this puppy love period and got married before we actually got to know each other. She was born and living in another country and moved in with me in my home country. This is also her country by ethnic origin but not birth. Both are familes get along very well and she is a wonderful person and a good mother to our child. But from day one our sexual relationship was a flip side. I met her after i broke up with my ex-girl friend where the sex was intense and very fullfiling. But with her its really boring and its like i have fallen from 35000 ft to ground Zero with regard to my sex life. I am a man who enjoys sex at least 2 times a day with the woman I love. But I have not had sex with my wife for the past 6 months. Instead I watch porn to take my load off. ( I dont have any contact with any of my exs)I dont have any chemistry towards my wife even though she wants to have sex with me. I even find her body scent repulsive. Initially i wanted to wait before we had child beacuse i was not sure about the relationship, but she wanted a baby because she was not getting younger so i reluctantly agreed to have a baby.I am 34 and i dont want to live like a hermit for the rest of my life. I know there are women who can satify me and make me more happy mentally and physically.But I am stuck in this marriage because of the child. I know if I seperate from my wife she will go back to her country with our daughter and would not want me to have any connection with my daughter.She is honorable and respectful woman. She has never done the dirty on me. She knows I watch porn and was upset. But I am scared because if it goes on like this i will start an affair with some one and I will break her heart.What are my options. Is staying in the marriage worth it ? if we are fighting all the time because we are both sexually frustrated and I dont see my self able to switch on with her sexually, ever !
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female
reader, *brea//babbby.  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Wow... I think you need to tell your wife your opinion. Maybe you should try a little bit harder... Your wife deserves better if this is the way you are reacting because of sex. Do you love her at all? Marriage isnt all about sex. Your daughter will grow up thinking to herself why her parents dont seem inlove as much as her friends parents... Good luck but dont break her heart and dont betray your own.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Let me share my salutatory tale with you. My husband and I got married very quickly without really finding much out about each other - we were just in the initial throws of love. Very quickly we had a child. My husband was a highly sexual man and I am not very interested at all. After a while my husband went elsewhere for sex as he found it boring and unsatisfying with me. For no other reason than this he began to hate me. I still loved him and put up with numerous affairs. The atmosphere at home was terrible. One day he just up and left without so much as a bye or leave. I screamed at him 'how could you leave your child' and he said 'it was better for him not to witness an unhappy Daddy in an unhappy marriage as it would give him a false view of what love should be like.' I was furious he went and have since then done everything within my power to be as difficult as possible stopping him from seeing his child as much as I can. I am not saying in any way that what I have done is right but I would like you to see how badly some women can behave when they feel they have been unfairly treated. Even now and it is a few years on I still hate him for what he has done to us by putting his own selfishness first. I can if I stand back acknowledge his unhappiness and why he left but I would never ever leave my child however unhappy I was. Having discussed this at great length it does appear the majority of men will put themselves first with all the usual comments of this not being a dress rehearsal etc etc but most women do not see it like this. I am obviously biased but I would think really really carefully of the consequences before you do have an affair or leave. Hopefully not all women will act as badly as I have but some will and you will undoubtedly lose the bond with your child. If you really can't stay I would suggest you went sooner rather than later as it will give your wife more chance of meeting someone else whilst she is still young.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): You have got to begin communicating with your wife about what is going on with you, and it is with you. You say you can't stand her smell now? That smell must have been ok at the beginning or you would not be married with child now, right? I don't think this is about sex at all. Something else is going on and you need to find out what it is for the sake of your relationship with your daughter.
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A
female
reader, Naakai  +, writes (14 June 2008):
This is quiet serious, it’s all about mind-set, you need to sit down and analyse / study the things that attracted you before you went out with her, and also advice you talk to a counselor because separation is not the best.
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A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 i really feel for you in this situation, it must be really hard. i think you and your wife need to have an honest chat... i know you are looking for someone to tell you the answer.. but only you can do that. tell your wife how you feel and what you want. dont go down the road of an affair, it is in no way worth it. if you have an afair... you really will break her heart. be carefull with the steps you take... if you cant see the marriage working at all, it will be better for the both of you if you left... but you need to consider your child... if you and your wife split, would you be amicable enough for you to have regular contact? because i get the feeling that th only reason you are staying in this relationship is because of the child.
think your steps through and be honest with youself and your wife. email me to let me know how this goes... i wish you all the very best....
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A
female
reader, mum and 1 +, writes (14 June 2008):
im sorry that you look at your wife like this. when you do its time to get out. by staying yournot doing anyone any good least of all you daughter and wife. you all desevre to be happy. it will be really hard to start with but with help from freinds and family yourl all get there. be honest with your wife and show her some respect. try to reasonble for the sake of your child remember that whatever is said and done your child is an innocent here. dont fight in front of her be upfront and honest. i hope you all find what your looking for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Don't stay with her for the sake of your'e child. she deserves to be with someone who will love her back. Seems you are resenting her for what you feel as her trapping you, but it takes two. sex isn't everything and if you can't talk to her about it and you say she repulses you then you should let her get on with her life despite what she does.
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