A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i really need some help as im so confused, a few months ago i met this boy, we started talking, texting and got to know each other, he used to ask me to go out all the time and i wasnt really bothered about him. He used to tell me he loved me and at first i thought i liked him, we did everything but have sex. but after this some one started up some horrible rumors about me saying he said them. he swore he didnt but the rumors were really bad i just stopped talking to him even though he is a lovely boy and i knew he wouldnt of said it but i couldnt take it. anyways we stopped talking and stuff. and he got into a few other relationships and so did i, but now were both single and over the past month weve been talking again and become close, iv realised im so in love with him i think about him all the time i cant get him out of my mind, he gives me mixed signals though, like one day he'l be saying iloveyou and we need to go out tomorrow stuff like that, then the next thing he just doesnt seem to care. i know he's being careful around girls as his previous relationships he's been in have just ended up him being messed around. but i really do love him, i feel im not good enough for him, i try to talk about it with him and he gives me mixed signals everytime we get into conversation about it. i get jelous when i see him talking to other girls on his social network i really dont know what to do help?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Loveless Marriage  +, writes (5 July 2009):
This won't win me any "points" but I am just going to say it. You sound as though you are looking for something to focus on other than yourself and you obviously recognize you have your own "issues" (as we all do). I think that you should work on you and let the rest fall where it may. This relationship is doomed from the start if it starts with you insecure and jealous with zilch self-esteem. What do you have to offer to him while you are still looking for your own way? You need to find security and confidence in yourself, not look to someone else for it. As for the mixed signals, they are exactly what they appear to be, he is unsure and making sure that someone else "better" doesn't come along. By "better" I don't mean that they actually are a better person than you, just a better match for him based on his own perception!
A
male
reader, simple person  +, writes (5 July 2009):
First rule, do not show you love him so desperately. He loses interest because he takes you for granted. You want him, let him know he needs to show it. Speak with other people, have a separate social agenda etc.
Keep to it for the rest of the relationship, even if it is 45 years. If you are not a bit of a challenge, he is bound to become less, not more attached.
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