A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:heyy im 14 and i have my first boyfriend... its great he's so nice and polite and actually perfect... everything is going great... but i was just wondering is there like rules? like when to do this and when to do that? how long before your supposed to say the "L" word?... i know we're fourteen there no such thing as the "L" word im just wondering thank you :) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): I'm sorry but I disagree COMPLETELY with male anon... That seems like a really middle school thing to say, I'm sorry. I'm not looking to judge but please do not lie about love! That's what my ex did to me--he told me he loved me but he didn't mean it, but I meant it. He swore he did too until he realized how serious I had always been about that. Please don't put anyone through that. It's the worst emotional pain I've felt since literally the deaths of my family members. That sounds melodramatic but I really really mean it.
Sorry male anon, I just DONT agree.
-GG
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): I'm 15 and I've been in my share if relationships already. I hope this helps:
PLEASE don't use the word "love" until you ABSOLUTELY mean it. You'll know it when it happens. You will want to say it, but DONT until you're so sure you'd bet your life on it. That's when you know. I'm one of those girls that has used those words by age 15, but I genuinely believe it was love. I know the in-between stages. I know what teenage infatuation is like. They're different.
Rules? No. No rules. I wish!!!! Don't give up your life to be with him. Keep your priorities in the right order. A guy should NEVER come before school, sports, or any of your interests. We are young enough that giving up anything for guys almost always leads to excess stress, and/or heartache. Sorry. That's blunt, but I mean it.
At some point, your heart will get broken. You'll fall in love. You'll want to be with him forever. Please don't forget your age. You're a middle or high school girl--don't take it all to seriously yet.
Set physical boundaries with your guy so he knows EXACTLY how far you're willing to go. It can be an awkward conversation if you aren't comfortable, but it can save you from rash, hormonal decisions you regret later. Trust me.
Good luck!
Have fun!
-GG
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): okay im 14 too. I got my first girlfriend this year. Dont say i love you first. It makes you seem like you wanna go fast. But if your perfect boyfriend doesnt say it in the first week. Then you need to say it. Even if you dont mean it. Most guys like a cute and preppy girl. So even though hes being great to you. You should be perfect right back to show you care.
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A
male
reader, PD  +, writes (18 June 2009):
Love is unselfish toward the recipient. You want the best for him. Love can move him (and you) to become better persons. Love is kind and understanding. Hence you will forgive him even he hurts you. Likewise, he will forgive you your mistakes. Love is a principle to live by. Finally, when you are a lover living with the one you "love", you will feel it. (He feels it from you and you feels it from him.) So so exists. To begin, try being unselfish, kind and understanding. May you find love and it's eternal bliss.
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A
female
reader, PureSkinnyPosh +, writes (18 June 2009):
So I have 10 years "experience" dating, unfortunately there are no rules. Books have been written on The Rules but men never read them so women have all these rules mn don't know about & it leads to wonderful friction over the years.
My advice to you is this, a boyfriend should treat you well, he shouldn't disrespect or degrade you and you should never feel less confident than usual in his presence. If he hits you, walk away. If he drinks at 14/15, walk away. Don't have sex, not because I'm a prude but because it is worth waking till you are older and there is romance, not being afraid your parents will walk in, you will know what you desire and be able to explain it and be responsible for your own actions. If you have sex, go to your GP and get on the pill, don't have sex until after you have been taking it for at least a month. The key thing is to respect yourself because if you don't, no man will.
As for the "L" word, I've used it in 3 previous relationships, I don't regret it because I loved them at the time but as you grow, you change as does love and your expectation of it. If you eventually use it, there is no harm but just enjoy your relationship and see where it goes. Don't focus on the future, live the relationship right now.
Good Luck.
Light & Love
xoxoxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): When it comes to relationships, you jsut do what you feel. THe only "rules" are those such as cheating, lyeing, etc. that you would obvioulsy not do. But those are rules that you ahve to set with your bf. What i mean is, talk to him about if it's ok for you to hang out with other guys alone, and him, other girls, Is he ok with you texting all your guy friends, and things like that.
If you're asking when you're SUPPOSED to say the "l" word, then i'm guessing you don't really have an accrate veiws on what it really means. It's not somethign that should be said just because you've been with somene for a long time, or because they do something nice for you. It's something that you say when you feel it.
You might never feel it for this guy, and that's ok. Not every relationship elevates to that level, and you're young so you have tons of time to find it.
I guess besides that, if you just respect him, he respects you, you're nice and considerate to each other, hoenst, faithful, open, selfless, then you just go with the flow!
And I think this is one of those things where you just learn as you go!
Goodluck and have fun.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (18 June 2009):
 I think the only time you can really use the 'L' word is when you have dated a few people before hand. When you really get to know which type of personalities there are out there and you have experienced dating with a couple guys to judge how they act and how they treat you. That way you can get a feel for what you really like and don't like in a guy based on numbers. Now I'm not saying sleep with all those guys, but just going out on casual dates will do the trick. That being said, casual dates usually can't be done unless you have a drivers license. :P Not to be a jerk, but I think your age is a bit too young to know what the concept is really. Some people don't know what love is far into their over the hill years. I would wait to say it until you really know you mean it. That way it can be special. :) As for sex, I would definitely wait for that. There are a billion consequences of that which I couldn't even handle until I was twenty. Old enough to deal with what might happen by financial means because of potential pregnancy. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): Hi. You and I are the same age, but I have experience with this. Well first of all, there is not a certain amount of time you need to wait to say the "l" word. Say it when you know you mean it, don't be like those girls who say it the first day they start dating and then end up not dating longer than a week. If you love him, say it. But don't say it if you don't! And when you're on a date, don't do anything you would regret. Do it when you feel comfortable doing it. If he trys to do something you're uncomfortable with, tell him. If he's a good boyfriend, he'll understand.Thanks for listening (:
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