A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help me. I just kicked my boyfriend out of the house (he didnt live here) because he played a joke on me that went too far. He told me that he was going to war out of the blue. That they needed him and he couldn't tell me when or where he would be going and that we should kiss one last time. At first I thought it was a joke, but he gave me the most serious face I had ever seen. At that point, I believed him. I started to cry. FYI-I had lost my husband about 2 years ago to a work-related incident that left me with 3 kids, I also lost my mom at age 8, so you can see where my issue with loss is magnified. He then saw that I was getting upset, so he said that he was kidding. But at that point, it was too far gone. I couldn't even speak. He told me (and we spoke about trying role playing to spice it up a bit at one point) that he was trying to role play and didn't realize it would go this far and upset me so much. He apologized and asked me if I was going to break up with him. He told me that he loved me and that he would never intentially try to hurt me-well he did. I think that was all excuses! I told him that if he ever did that again, that that would be the end of us. And I asked him for some time to think. So I sent him out of the house. Do you think I got upset for no reason? Should I break up with the guy? Should I try and work things out? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 November 2010):
 I don't think you got upset for no reason, but I do think you're overreacting a bit. If you had discussed role playing in the past then his story sounds legit. He just picked a really bad role play. Let him know that next time he should give you some warning. Maybe not what he will be doing, but just that he will be doing something later so you should play along. Maybe give him a couple of ideas, since his backfired so horrifically this time.
Definitely try to work things out.
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (29 November 2010):
I would say that you try and work things out. You had talked about role play before, and war and risk can heighten passion. He probably didn't think about the relation it could have in your mind to the loss of your husband and mom. You didn't get upset for no reason. It triggered you, and that's fine. But you probably overreacted a little. Occasionally, he might make an insensitive comment without thinking about it that might remind you of those events. And you should just let him comfort you through it or just take a bit of time to relax. He won't be able to always think about whether something he says could be somehow related. So I would just forgive him. He apologized. He didn't mean to hurt or upset you. He didn't make a nasty comment about the events. He just didn't realize that what he said would trigger you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): It was very insensitive of your partner to do this and it is very understandable that you need time to think. But he obviously didnt mean to cause you hurt, he was just being human and didnt think the joke through. Im sure seeing how upset you were taught him a lesson and i think you should forgive knowing that he wont do somthing like that again because i bet hes feeling extremely guilty and hating himself right now. We all make mistakes and its about learning x
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