A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, I'm hoping you can help me.I have been crushing on this guy for the past 10 months. I think that he likes me too but the problem is that we're both in very comitted relationships. Neither of us have children.I'm anxious because I have spent the last 10 months cultivating a friendship of sorts with him and we are stuck in this stale mate situation of: I can't tell him how I feel because he's attached and he may not feel the same way about me. If I tell him then it will completely ruin our friendship. But, I'm 33 now and I really like this guy. I want to be with him and have his children.Is this just an infatuation? How can I tell whether he feels the same way? What should I do Aunties!?xxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (8 July 2011):
This guy represents all of the things that you don't have working the way you want them in your "committed" relationship. This is natural, and is an indication that you should address the things you actually need, in your committed relationship. Addressing the things you need means actually confronting your parter, and facing your own emotional difficulties and vulnerabilities, having tough conversations, and growing your relationship, or ending your relationship because you realise it isn't right for you and doesn't have the potential to be. Often people have not developed the courage required to face the things they are avoiding in their relationships, and end them without ever facing their issues.
You are putting your focus outside your relationship onto this other guy. You need to be honest with yourself about whether you have lost all faith in your current partner, or whether you are going to give it a go, to make it the relationship you want. Your decision as to what to do with the other guy really depends on that first. Once you make that decision, it will be easier for you to know what to do.
If you do decide to end your current relationship and pursue this guy, just be honest and see how it plays out. I suspect that the real issue is really working on your current relationship.
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