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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Is it normal that I feel "retroactive resentment"? I don't know how else to describe it. But back when I was with my ex, he did many hurtful things, but I forgave him every time because I was really in love and attached. We've been broken up for months now, and I feel really resentful for such things. He's trying to get me back, but I kind of don't feel like it, because I resent him and can't believe that back in the day, I put up with such stuff. Weird thing is, when he's away, I miss him tons and long for him, but when we get together, I feel like something's not right and like we shouldn't be together.He suffers and says he loves me so much, and that he wants me to forgive him and make him happy, and that he's sorry and regrets all he did in the past, that he was a fool, etc. I just don't know if I should forgive him or take him back. I just can't forget about what he did, and it still hurts a bit. He didn't cheat, in case you're wondering, but he did make stuff that made me lose trust and which hurt my self esteem, too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): It's definite that you need to move on from this relationship. Speaking from personal experience and having a bit of wisdom from worldly knowledge, the relationship between the both of you will not ever get any better. It will continue to be a cycle that you just sometimes get off and then get back on again, when you've conveniently pushed the 'bad stuff' to the back of your mind. Then the cycle starts back over again. You need to start doing something to get your mind off him and concentrate on building your confidence and self esteem. This could be something like, losing weight, starting a course, getting a new haircut, buying some new clothes..............look at what you want to improve in YOUR life and go for it. When you have improved yourself and your surroundings you will then attract confident, decent people that are worthy of your attention. Don't settle for someone who tries to make you feel guilty in your decisions that you make, and tries to blame you for their own miserable lives. You shouldn't be with someone because you feel sorry for them and that you want to FIX their problems. You should be with someone because they bring out the BEST in you and you know you bring out the BEST in them. They should be the one that you know you can always turn to, rely on, no matter what the situation. Makes you feel safe physically, mentally, financially and emotionally. Isn't selfish in any respect have it be emotionally or financially towards you. You should trust your partner because they give you no reason NOT to. You're partner should be your best friend. You should feel like you can't wait to see them at the end of the day and they should feel the same way. Not because that's what SHOULD happen in a relationship but because it just comes naturally to you. That's called TRUE LOVE. That's called 'SUITED' for each other. Not everyone is suited. Don't try to defy nature. If you aren't suited, if you're not naturally connected, don't waste one more day of you're life pursuing this relationship. Move on to bigger and better things in your life. Start with loving yourself, your way of living and your surroundings first and then everything else will fall into place when you least expect it. Good luck!
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