A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My best friend is deeply in love with me and recently asked me to marry him. The thing is I also love him but I'm uncertain if I am in love with him.He knows I love him platonically but when he asks if deeper more I shut completely down and inform him I'm unable to answer him clearly. Do I or am I afraid to risk emotional trauma again and so I supress what might be in love??I have to know if I am actually in love with him or if these feelings I'm locking down inside are those of rebound. I don't know???? I want to be certain that he's not a rebound as I spent the last several months coming to terms with and finally accepting a very traumatic breakup which left me with an immense fear to ever again trust. Now mind you, my best friend has given me a reason to doubt his trust, as he's always been candid with me be it good or bad, I'm still working through issues with trust. My best friend means the world to me. I can honestly say that I can see myself sharing the remainder of my life with him. We compliment one another very well. Our outlooks on approaches to life, our ethics, morals, likes and dislikes are identical in some ways yet completely opposite in other ways, and it is this dynamic that gives our friendship strength, excitement, joy and balance. We have learn and grown phenomenally from one another. We both proceed through life by The Golden Rule, and it is this which has spared us from falling to the level of disrespect that both he and I fell to in our past relationships. I am not prepared to commit to marrying my best friend, as I need to be certain that he is not my rebound, as he is the one who caught me by his loving wings and carried me (never once letting me down) all throughout my journey in getting beyond the emotional trauma I suffered behind the conduct with which my ex conducted herself with me.I have only known my best friend for 6 months, and while we have spent substantial quality time with one another up to this point, I do not feel as though I should make a commitment with him at this point because it has also only been 6 months since dissolving with my ex.I still have trust issues and continue to tote some pain and hurt...but I want to live, laugh and love to my full extent again. I truly believe I am to share this with my best friend, but I must insure that if and when I am ready to give my all to my best friend, that I have grown beyond my trust issue, pain and hurt so I am secure in my "take" of the "real" person and not merely being deceived once again by a devil in sheep's wool.I'm thinking that because I have minimal dating experience that this contributed to my inability to ascertain the actual substance of a person of romantic interest versus falling vulnerable for the faux.There are several men interested in dating me, and I have narrowed it down to 15. I want to go on a few dates each with the 15 as to narrow down to the most qualified. However, in doing this, I do not want to start something that I cannot finish. I plan to get back with the 15 and schedule dates with them, and in doing so I will be direct and honest with them as to what I am doing with dating.I will be sharing quality time with my best friend tomorrow evening and will also be sharing my plan with him. Additionally, I will strongly suggest that he do the same, as he to endured emotional trauma due to betrayal during the same time as I. We have been one another's guardian angels but it imperative that we both be sure we're not merely confusing that with actually being each others rebounds.Six months for commitment after emotional trauma is too soon for exclusive commitment, though platonic commitment I will never turn him down. Is my logic correct here? Like I said, I have minimal experience with dating/relationships so I want to be armed and prepared as best I can to not mislead or hurt anyone nor myself?Thank you kindly for taking the time to invest in my concern.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): If I could go back in time I would of did this. My marriage sucks n I'm desperately wanting out but to many barriers. You're level headed for someone inexperienced. Seems you came out ahead where it matters in wisdom along with bonding a gem of a friend. I say you and your friend will return after trying this. Best wishes in this.Keep us posted.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): You're being rational in your approach. It would be nice is others thought through how they would reenter the dating world after a relationship gone bad thinking of the effects on others in addition to himself. You're on the right track. Take your time and be frank with everyone throughout.
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A
female
reader, learning curve +, writes (19 January 2011):
I'm wondering why your two choice are getting married or dating other guys. How about dating this guy? Spend some quality time together in a romantic relationship and see if something is there for both of you. If it is then you will learn to trust what you feel. If it's not then you will learn to trust what you don't feel. Talk to each other through the process so that if it doesn't work maybe someday you could be friends. Possible unless one of you falls in love and the other doesn't but that's what love is about - putting yourself out there and taking chances on each other. First make sure before you get involved with anyone that you are good with yourself - then you will be able to share yourself with someone else. Take your time.
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