A
female
age
36-40,
*antingMoreofHim
writes:Back in June of last year, I began working at a company doing data entry (I'm a college student, and the hours are flexible, so... glorious!), and my boss and I immediately hit it off. At the time he was my direct superior, but he has since been promoted. We see each other every day, and our personalities mesh astoundingly well. We have the same senses of humor, the same ways of expressing ourselves, etc... I wouldn't use the word "perfect" because that doesn't exist, but we work really well with one another.Let me go off-topic for a second and say that I have a tendency to garner relationships that are a bit off-kilter and non-pc simply because my sense of humor consistently flirts with that line of impropriety, and I love a good non-pc joke. Heck, I even love the bad ones. He is the same way, and we constantly make sexist or racist jokes, getting a good laugh out of them. Over time, these jokes soon turned into subtle flirtation, and soon the flirtation became ... not-so-subtle. Not too long after that I found myself developing feelings for him despite the fact that he has a serious girlfriend with whom he lives (dating for 3 years, known each other for over 10 years). If the feelings were one-sided, there wouldn't be a problem. I've been in that situation before, and, while it sucked, there was no harm, no foul. I have always been capable of putting my feelings on the emotional back burner for the sake of a friendship's safety, but, you see, that's not the case because he has feelings for me as well and has expressed them.He has said, "I'm not going to leave my girlfriend," and that was ok... for a while. The flirtation kept my brain entertained while at work (I do mindless data entry for 6 hours a day... I have to do SOMEthing not to fall over from boredom at my desk), and I honestly didn't feel like there was any danger of getting hurt. It was just harmless flirtation, right?Apparently not, being that I am sitting here typing out this post.On three separate occasions, this man and I have given into temptation and made out in secret. Of course, it didn't go any further than that because I wouldn't let it, but the fact that it happened at all is absolutely reprehensible.I must admit that the kissing actually didn't bother me all that much. In my opinion, it was curiosity that drew us there (at least it did the first time out of the three), and I didn't honestly feel that it was all that much of a problem.It all became too much, however, a few days ago. I caught myself daydreaming about a future with him, and 3 separate thoughts entered into my mind. The first 2 thoughts are harmless and somewhat expected in a situation like this.Thought 1: This would be so much easier/simpler if he was single.Thought 2: But he has a girlfriend. He isn't going to leave her. Case closed. Move on.The 3rd thought, however, completely floored me.Thought 3: I wonder if there is any way that I could convince him to leave her for me.Never in my life have I been so disappointed in myself. I am not a selfish person, and it is completely foreign to me to think something so utterly self-centered and awful.After this series of thoughts, I immediately picked up my phone and called him, explaining what had happened and that everything between us had to stop full stop. He understood and agreed, and things went back to normal in the office for a little while.But after that little while, things started to heat up again. I'm a terrible liar and can't tell him that I don't have feelings for him and that I don't want him to kiss me (we haven't broached that issue again, thank God, and I plan to keep it that way), but it's starting to find its way into our conversations, and I'm always the one who says, "No, we can't," or steers the topic elsewhere. I'm trying to stay strong, but it's really difficult because the connection between us is so strong.If I let it get any further than this, I know that I'll end up falling for him, and, as things are right now, there is no happy ending in this story for me. I recognize that, and that's why I can't let myself get too involved.I'm afraid that I'm losing my resolve, and I'm not sure what to do.
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at work, flirt, has a girlfriend, kissing, liar, move on, my boss Reply to this Question
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Find a new job.
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