A
male
age
51-59,
*R
writes:Well, I've gone and done it. I've put an end to my affair. Full stop.Thanks for help Dear Cupids. Your advice and guidance have given me strength to resolve my feelings (or, at least, make a start). Resolve not revolve. Finished going round in circles.The new question:What do you think will happen next?And, let's add, how do I deal with it?I decided on a 'goodbye' email. I was hoping to talk with Her, but, the way things are going, that would've taken a few weeks. I can’t wait that long.You want to judge my email to Her? Or is that being unnecessarily cruel? Well, I have no one else to support me in this New Year Resolution:[Email]To: HerFrom: MeSubject: GoodbyeDate: 35.6 hrs agoThis won’t be surprise to you.And I was hoping that I could speak with you face to face, but:I can no longer be your lover.It’s over between us.Why?Well, I could write pages here,But I don’t think that would do any good.The short answer:Your part in my life is not healthy.Yes, it was great for a while. May even have been much more. But for how long?Yeah, too much too soon.Burned out.My part in your life? I don’t know.Never will.Too much for my imagination.I wish you happiness,I always will.But I know giving you happiness is out of my reach.Other than saying goodbye.I hope you’re not angry with me.This is a crappy way of telling you.But, I know my decision is for the best.This final email is not the right (or nice) way of trying to address our loose ends.So much left unsaid.Sorry.You’ll understand.You are a strong, special woman.You always will be.Stay strong.Stay you.Goodbye,B______________________________Tonight’s update = No reply from Her, in any shape or form. I’m thinking She’s just going to ignore me totally. No closure for me?Oh, I nearly forgot, why not trace my journey this festive? See my other queries (search the DearCupid question list for):How not to lose your mistress?Is an affair ever justifiedHow to kill the loveResolution #1 = The End of The Affair?Wish me luck?Happier new year…
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affair, mistress Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BR +, writes (2 January 2009):
BR is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the replies. Yes, DiovanLestat, I'm trying to follow to your kind advice. Face2Face would have been better, but...oh well.
She responded today with an email:
"Yes, it was a surprise.
But I respect your decision.
Goodbye
A"
At least, She's not stonewalling. Short'n'sweet (kinda like Her...oops! Those thoughts don't help!)
She works in the office next to mine, so it's only a question of time before we bump into each other.
The next phase: avoid Her & analyse/prioritise my life! Try to stay strong & focused. Rebuild my marriage (I'm not going to admit things to my wife. Not yet.)
'Thinking about the feelings of others' is commendable, but, in practice, how do you get them to discuss things in all honesty? Or rely on your own interpretation? Wow, 'trust' is such a powerful concept! I so desperately want to understand myself and those around me. Having an affair only highlights such desperation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): 1. RESOLUTION: How to end the affair.
Face to Face is always better babes, gives everybody a chance to talk. But the letter is good. But don't send it yet. I don't know if you've had the chance to look around the board, and read some other stories about people who are unfaithful. There is a great thread that I have been following, that explains a lot of the feelings that a mistress might have. Lets stop thinking of you for a change, your poem is good, send it after you give her the respect of telling her to her face. what is going on. You can't wait, why not, where is everybody going, has you wife found out.
Make some arrangements to see her sooner, or spend time building bridges with your wife. Take the time to really understand your mistresses feelings, and also take care not to hurt her, she has probably has feelings for you. She's sharing you with your wife, she comes second best.. That must hurt like hell...
Read these posts, and see if you can find your story here. Now I don't want you to get too sad, but I do want you to start thinking hard about the feelings of others. Please read that link. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/in-love-w-a-married-man-how-do-i-cope-w-break-up.html
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (1 January 2009):
 Well done. Good luck.
I'd be interested to hear your update in a month's time.
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (31 December 2008):
 A lot of people are going to jump all over me but I think you should have told her in person..face to face. People who have affairs with married people are not always monsters...they may have made a genuine mistake in judgement, in some, but not all cases never mean to hurt anyone...but ultimitely do.Generally condemned while the married person is not..not a good state of affairs. Anyway you have freed her up to find someone available, do not rule out that she cared. Now you need to work on your marriage and keep out of her way so a fresh start is possible for both of you. She may get back to you and want to meet..I think you should if she asks but it could just delay the pain. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): This is the first time I read your question.Affairs are never a good idea! Especially if your married or have a significant other! Anyway, I'm proud of you! Stick to your decision!
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