A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I handle my feelings? When I was going to nursing school, I fell in love with one of our patients. He was 22 and had just been divorced about a year. We had a whirlwind romance after he got out of the hospital and he asked me to marry him. I accepted his proposal and at first everything was great. Then we had 2 boys together right away. Work pressures, me trying to finish school and feeling depressed with post-partum. I feel like our lives moved so fast, and we went in the opposite directions. He was gone alot from home, took assignments for extra money, the kids drained me and our romance died somewhere along the way. He also had a temper and we had horrible fights sometimes. I finally filed for divorce and it's been a few years now. I remarried but he has always been involved in the boy's lives and we live in the same town. The thing is, I never stopped loving him. I think I just went through a horrible depression and it clouded my judgement after the kids were born. Plus with his temper, and his own immaturity, he didn't try to talk me into staying. When he comes over to see the boys now, he so f***ing gorgeous now. He grew his hair out longer, and started lifting weights. I find myself lusting after him and I know it's wrong. But I also miss his spontaneous, fun side. We always had so much fun partying and being silly together. My husband is not like that, he just makes me feel really old now and I'm not ready to grow old yet. I don't know what to do!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think in part I married too soon after my divorce, but I had two young boys to raise and although their dad was helping me financially and spending time with them on the week-ends, he wasn't living at our house anymore to help out with the day-to-day. One of the things that attracted me to their dad initially was his free-spirited, spontaneous, wild and crazy side. I never realized it until after our divorce, but his personality kept me feeling young. But after the kids came along and I went through post-partum depression, and I lost the ability to see him as amuzing. I had just gone through the very serious task of having two kids barely a year apart, and I'd never had kids before. I think I just took things too seriously instead of lightening up a bit. After our divorce I was even more depressed and lonely. When I remarried, I was initially attracted to the stability of my husband. I thought he'd be a good father and role model for my kids, but I quickly missed the creative, spontaneous personality the kids' Dad had. I never realized how much he made me feel alive. Looking back now, I probably should've just gone to counseling but I was in the process of earning a degree and starting my own business and I just couldn't juggle one more thing. My life was too hectic. Now that the kids are older and I'm no longer feeling the impact of my depression, I miss their dad so much. When he comes over to pick up the kids, I realize what a unique, caring individual he is. I feel like I've aged so much and he looks younger and more vibrant now than ever before. He's still as funny as ever before and I miss the times we used to have together as two crazy kids, and how he used to do the sweetest, goofiest things to make me laugh. I need that in my life more than ever now, and my husband just isn't like that. His personality is nothing like that. He's kind of quiet and serious even when I try to play he's just not into it. I find myself being very bored and it's hard to see my ex now because I'm still in love with him, and very much attracted to him - though I don't show my feelings. Just don't know how to deal with all these emotions.
A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (6 August 2007):
The "We part" of your first relationship is quite prevalent. However you don't say too much what is going on with your new husband makes tou feel old. How come you can tell me that but not him? It seems to me that better communications between you two would be the place to start changing your bo boring marriage, wouldn't you say?
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