A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I broke up about three months ago, we went a month without talking ot eachother, and finally ran into each other again. Since then we have hung out almost everyday, even dinner with her family one night. We both still love each other a lot and are still close friends, I've realized what I've done wrong and I am making changes (I realize they don't happen over night) I didn't cheat or abuse, just we fought all the time over stupid petty things. We love being friends, but she says I will probably never truly change, so there is little to no hope for us to get back in a relationship, but if we still remain close friends, I honestly don't no how to deal with her starting to see other guys. I told her I would smile and tell her I am happy for her, but I know it is going to break my heart. Any advice on what to do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): You both stopped talking to each other for a month and have been seeing each other again for the last two but as friends. You sound like you miss her very much and of course want to be her boyfriend and not just friends.
From my personal experience, it is highly improbable to have a close friendship with your ex, someone you have an intimate history with. Someone will always get their feelings hurt when they have to part, another person comes into the picture, failed expectations, etc...such is life.
And I do sympathize with what you said about smiling and being happy for her and having your feelings crushed deep inside. We all hurt when we see the person we long for with someone else.
If she has already made up her mind about not wanting to be with you but you have strong feelings for her, then you should tell her how you feel. Tell her that you know the things you have done wrong and let her know you are sorry and will never do it again and promise not to do whatever it was ever again and stick to it. If that does not change her mind, then you should respect her decision and move on with your life. The best thing to do may be to tell her that you don't want both of you to get hurt in the future and stop seeing her - cold turkey. That will save you, your ex, and anyone else from getting hurt feelings and resentments. After you stop thinking getting her back as your girlfriend, maybe you can be her friend. Best of luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, the other day, my ex and I were having the perfect day together, lunch, errands, everyday stuff. Well, this time she kept coming up with things to do so we wouldn't part ways. (she even admitted to it) Well, we went to a park and sat down and started talking, about ten minutes into the conversation she asked me if we kissed would I still be her friend tomorrow. I hesitated at first, but we did end up making out. You have to understand, I am not like your typical guy, don't get me wrong I do think about sex alot, but when it comes down to it, I think physical contact should mean something, not just something two people do, and she knows this all to well. She asked me if I wanted to have sex, of course I did. She said she wanted to have sex, and then cuddle for hours afterwards. We continued to mess around, and then I asked her if that was best for the situation. She said she didn't know, but she really wanted me right now. We ended up calling it a night and not having sex. We talked about it the next day, cause I didn't want a huge pink elephant with us everytime we hung out, but she talked like it never happened. I just don;t understand why she would say the things she said, give a person hope, and then act like it never happened, cause I can see it in her eyes and the way she still looks at me that she still has alot of feelings for me. I am really confused, and going insane trying to figure this out. Any help?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 She is not married to you yet and you just have to accept that probability .
Keep wooing her and don't give up..
Learn how to manage disagreements and keep away from contentious issues.
Never argue with a woman.
You will never win even though you are right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): You are being very realistic about this which is good. You see that you cannot change and you are prepared to move on. Just take each day as it comes but there will be a time in the future when either of you will meet someone else and believe me you will hurt. I hurt when i saw my ex with someone else, even though we had been split up two years and it was me who walked out on him (just drifted apart, no one else). If you are not going to have a future together, then it is good that you are friends, but i think i would spend less and less time with her and then it wont be so hard when either of you do meet someone else. You dont have to blot her out of your life altogether if you dont want, just dont see her so often.
take care
xx
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