A
male
age
36-40,
*inn
writes:Why will a woman hook up with some random guy she meets at a club or a bar, but when that woman gets into a relationship, wait and take it slow with the boyfriend?
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 Dude, seriously, this is not worth ruminating over too deeply. Believe me, i would much rather have a long lasting relationship with someone who was good looking and a wonderful person, than just have a one night stand with them. Take it as a compliment. When I have had one night stands, it has been when I'm drunk and when I've woken up, I've thought, why on earth did I sleep with this guy? Or, other times I've slept with a guy it has been because I really, really liked them, and wanted a relationship to come out of it, but the guy obviously just wanted a one night stand. Therefore I have learnt to be much more wary of guys, so I won't jump into bed with someone I really, really like now. I'll try and take things slow, because I don't want to get hurt.
Seriously, don't listen to what one article says, that is OPINION. Every person is different. Jeez I have slept with hot men, ugly men, tall, skinny, fat, hairy, muscular, nice guys, funny guys, assholes, good friends, the lot. The only reason some of them were one night stands and some turned into long term relationships was TIMING. Simple as. My current boyfriend is the most gorgeous man I've ever seen, my last boyfriend was an aquired taste. Ive had one night stands with hot guys and guys who really weren't my type.
To a woman, attraction and seduction isn't all about looks, it can be how a guy talks to her, and how sexy she feels or in need of a quick shag/long term partner she thinks she is.
You are looking for an issue when there isn't one.
A
male
reader, Finn +, writes (10 October 2010):
Finn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha, in my experience, guys are more straightforward: they either try to sleep with women they like in any situation or they take it slow in any situation. At least that's the impression I get from my male friends and acquaintances.
I guess the reason I'm asking is threefold. First, I've never had a problem finding great girls to be friends with and/or get into a relationship with, i.e. smart, beautiful, etc... Yet, I've never gotten a woman to go home with me from a bar or club.
Second, I've been with women who have waited with me, who I know had had one night stands previously.
And third, I recently read an article which said that while guys normally lower their standards for a one night stand, women tend to raise theirs (at least as far as looks go).
Mind you, I'm not hell bent on having a one night stand. Yet I am wondering if this is some sort of double standard, like I'm good stuff for a relationship, but I'm not deemed worthy to just sleep with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Sure, a one-nightstand lover can become the "mate" type, but I don't think it happens very often.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Why will a man hook up with some random woman he meets at a club or a bar, but when that man gets into a relationship, wait and take it slow with the girlfriend?
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (6 October 2010):
True, it also depends on the woman, their state of mind at the time of meeting someone and how the relationship works out. I do not think it is true that women put men in 2 catagories at all! It is true that a woman can have strong feelings for one guy and may want to make it last with that person, as aposed to liking a guy, sleeping with him when drunk, or just single and wanting a bit of fun, but then later realising that she doesn't like the guy enough to want to make a go of things.
Women do not put men in boxes. Life is much more fluid than that. It can often come down to timing as well, don't forget. If a woman is not in a stable emotional place or is concentrating on her career, she just might not be ready to have a relationship with anyone! Whereas if she has been longing for a partner and is activly looking to settle down, she might take the first decent guy that comes along, and try to make that work no matter what.
As for jumping into bed straight away with one guy and not the next. That can depend on age. For me, I have had one night stands in the past, when I used to like to party. I saw this as a fun thing to do. I was a bit of a hedonist. Simple as. I have also have one night stands in between relationships, when i have been down emotionally and maybe I just did it for kicks, or to cheer myself up, or because I could!
I like to think that I wouldn't do that in the future, if heaven forbid my relationship doesn't work out. But with my current partner, I had a gut feeling that he was someone who was going to be important in my life. He courted me and the're was not immediate need to sleep together. We shared a bed a couple of times before actually having sex. But then again, we didn't wait that long. Some girls will make their man wait weeks. I think this has much more to do with a woman's character and development as a woman, than to do with "types of guy". We don't think that deep into sex. It tends to just happen!
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A
male
reader, Finn +, writes (6 October 2010):
Finn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I don't know. I think you make some good points. I can see what you're saying about there being less concern about character and compatibility with the one nighter. That's a good point. However, I think it's a bit simplistic to say that women put men into one of two categories when they meet them. It makes women seem a bit schizoid if you ask me. Like if she meets a type a guy, she'll be swinging naked from the ceiling fan in an hour, and if she meets a type b guy, she'll be making him walk over hot coals to prove his love to her.
If the one night stand/lover type can become a mate, then it's not really necessary to wait with the mate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): jmc930 is correct. When a woman meets a man she likes, she pretty quickly puts him into one of two categories - potential lover or potential mate.
A lover can get her into bed quickly and without much effort, because she's not all that concerned with his character. Instead it is all about attraction and sex, satisfying her physical desires and building her ego. That is not to say that a woman won't end up in a long term relationship with a lover type, it is just that she isn't thinking that way when they first meet.
Potential mates are men that she could possibly see a future with, and as a result she's not going to be easy because she doesn't want to give the impression that she is that way (whether she has been easy with other guys or not doesn't matter). Potential mates are tested constantly because a woman needs to know they have good character and are loyal. That's another reason she's going to make them work to bed her.
My advice to fellow men is learn to recognize how you're being categorized by women and why. Do you prefer being the lover type, or the boyfriend / mate type? How you act, what you say, your appearance, etc. all have a major impact on which category you get put in, so if things aren't going the way you want then you need to change it up. Personally, I find the mate path more satisfying, but that's just me.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (5 October 2010):
It can depend on her state of mind. If shes in a good emotional place, she may want to get to know someone first. But if shes in a tough part of her life and has low self esteem, she might just want to go out there and have sex, to try to 'feel better' about herself. This is my experience.
It can be to do with the stage of life she's in. If she just wants fun, nothing serious, a one night stand is the way to go. But later on if shes actually looking to settle down, she might want to get to know the guy first, to not give him the wrong impression of her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): When a woman is looking for a real relationship, she doesn't want the man she's interested in to think she's easy, nor does she want to give him everything too quickly. In relationships, sex is often about bonding, so it's an important aspect of building lasting or strong feelings.
In one-night stands, it's usually clear to both parties that they are only there for sex and nothing more.
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