| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years. Things used to be great, but just recently things have become torrid and i guess it started with the sex issue. He is of the opinion that we dont need to have sex all the time and that we cant measure our realtionship on it. Whilst i understand where he is coming from im feeling very neglected sexually and he just says its all about wants rather than needs! I happen to want a healthy sex life, but he seems to think that we should be more than rutting animals, whilst i agree we are more than sex, its a little upsetting to say the least when the option for sex is more or less taken away from me and he says i look for affirmation in the sex and i always bring up the issue. He says he loves and fancies me and doesnt see why we have to sex all the time to prove it.. i appreciate that, and well we ahve sex every other week and the times that we may have it in between its like on well do it to make you happy. Its never oh yeah i cant wait to get your kit off anymore, more just to keep me quiet. What is it about men that dont want sex and dont see it as an added bonus ? all i ask is for a little more sex and he just thinks im asking for it to affirm his love, no matter what spin i put on it hes like we have a deeper love than that and we cant measure how we feel through sex... but honestly im now starting to think the rest of the relationship is crap as he doesnt seem to want sex anymore... or if he does its few and far between and now feels like its all for me not because we want each other way.. not all the time but most of the time.. he does masturbate and everything works fine! he would rather get on with real life things than take time out to have sex with me, when i mentioned this he was like your inventing a problem!! Yes we do have sex but not as much as i would like and the longer it goes on i really want to lash out... why dont I deserve a sex life ? It wasnt always like this, and i dont know whats up as he says there is not a problem and that life and a realtionship is more than just sex, i know that but a healthy relationship can only be enhanced by good sex, and he thinks tehre should be no pressure to have sex, its just an added bonus and not a need! For crying out loud what i am i supposed to do. We are intimate on every other level, we always do things to make each other happy and show we love each other,but why is this so hard ? What is it that men suddenly think its not needed ? How do i get passed this ? It seems stupid to end a relationship because the sex is infrequent, as we do have sex, just not often! So how am i to learn to live with this ? How can i just not let it bother me as in the whole scheme of things i do agree but cant see why we cant have more sex, what harm is it going to do ? and from what i can see more and more men are getting like this ? Are they just lazy SOB and cant be arsed anymore and think because women are now more vocal about sex that they need the control back ? I really dont want to end the relationship on the strength of this but its driving me nuts!Any advice would be great!
View related questions:
sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): Thanks Angel. We kiss and cuddle all the time, so its not like it always turns to sex, its really odd that he shold be like this as i really would never of had this impression from the start... so strange how a man could view it this way.. i love him more than life, so breaking up is not an option but its so hard to accept that the sex is just as dull as it is now, i know i should be greatful that he loves me and will do anything for me, just wish we had that desire still, i should just accept him for him though i guess as hard as it is!!
A
female
reader, Angel_A +, writes (10 September 2006):
 Hi AnonWell, I have to agree that a relationship in itself can't be measured by how many times you have sex with your partner, but it is a reflection on the relationship in terms of physical intimacy, feeling desirable and wanted - we all need that to different degrees.I guess this is a tough one - it could be that over time his sex drive has just lowered and yours hasn't, if he doesn't want sex as much (with no other reasons such as stress at the moment/tired/busy at work etc) - then you may just have to accept this new part of your relationship and focus on enjoying it when it does happen.Do you kiss and cuddle alot without it leading to sex? I don't know, does he perhaps think that everything is about you wanting sex as opposed to wanting to be loving and cuddle and kiss without this being the almost predictable next step?If you love him and really don't want to split, it sounds like you just have to ride with it (or not!), reassuring him that it's ok and give him lots of affection without putting pressure on him, who knows, maybe his drive will re-appear? In the meantime, sounds like you may need plenty DIY sex to keep your libido in check!!! Good luck! x
...............................
|
