A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my partner 2 years. On the outside everyone thinks we're perfect for each other and that our relationship is rock solid. They expect us to be a forever couple and comment how we're made for each other. He's a good step dad to my daughter and his family have been so lovely including my daughter and I in all family events. I'm not unhappy with him but things could be better. The medication he takes makes him very agressive. Never violent but very snappy and moody. Also we are completely different. To start with I liked this fact because it really did seem opposites attract but now it's a problem. I like to be around people and I wear my heart on my sleeve, I'm very affectionate. He hates it when I invite lots of friends to our home and it's difficult to get any talk of what he's feeling from him. I've been talking to another man. We're very similar and get along great. He has said outright that if anything should change and I find myself single he would be right there. I feel like I'm betraying my man but I also can't stop thinking 'what if' about this other man. I've never done anything like this before, I've had plenty of advances from men and always brushed them off but I have a gut feeling about this guy that we could be something special.The idea of doing anything about it makes me feel sick though. I don't want to hurt my bf because I really do love him and I don't want to hurt my daughter. She's already seen her family fall apart once when her father and I seperated so I can't imagine the effect it would have a second time round.Do you think I'm being stupid and reckless or should I trust my instincts? Either way someone is going to get hurt and it kills me to think I'll be the cause of that.I've tried to talk to my partner about the way things are and how I'm feeling but nothing changes. I also feel that if we were to split I wouldn't just be grieving the loss of our relationship but everything we had planned such as having children of our own and buying another home. I know I look like a complete bitch in black and white and I'm really feeling bad about myself at the moment. Any advice much appreciated.
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female
reader, incendia1990  +, writes (11 February 2011):
 I know your worried about hurting other people but you have to think about your own needs and the needs of your child. Its gonna be worse staying in the relationship if your not happy and he refuses to do anything about it. Plus, even though it may have a bad effect on your kid if you leave, it'll be much worse if you stay and she constantly sees you unhappy or arguing. As far as his moods, I know you mentioned that he isn't violent but if he's moody ALL or MOST of the time, what kind of relationship is that? Answer: its not a healthy one. Its not necessarily his fault about how he's feeling due to the meds, but him refusing to hear out how you feel or do anything IS his fault. If you trust this other guy and feel that HE is where your heart is, you owe it to your daughter and yourself to follow your heart. As I said, your only responsibilities are to your daughter and to yourself. Your kid deserves a happy, fulfilling home and obviously, with your bf, that isn't it. Hugs to both of you (you and your daughter). Do what makes you happy! Let me know what happens. I'll be here waiting to see if things turn out ok and if there's anymore help I can give you.
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