A
female
age
36-40,
*lskling
writes:A few weeks ago I met Sean* in one of my classes. I see him every M and W for 4 hours, and we sit very close to each other b/c of assigned seats. We are also partners on a project together, and there are 5 weeks remaining in this quarter (we're seniors in college).I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and Sean saw this on Facebook but didn't say anything about it. Anyways, on Tuesday, Sean asked me to a study session (just the two of us) at a coffeehouse. I went, we had a great time there for about 6 hours, and we actually did get some studying done as well as get to know each other. At the study session, he told me he was going to see a band play on Thursday and did I want to go. I said I probably could, and did end up meeting him at the concert. We couldn't really talk at the concert, but afterwards the two of us and a friend decided to hit the local bars. We went to the first bar and just talked about general things. He found excuses to touch my face or make our knees touch. Then we went to the second bar, where we became progressively more smashed, and he ended up telling me that he had looked at Facebook and seen that I'd broken up with my boyfriend and asked me all about it. Then we moved to the last club - more of a dance club. He found a friend of his and diseappeared for about 10 minutes so it was just me and the other guy. But then it turned out that he had called me and tried to find me, but I ran into him anyways. He had bought a drink for me, and pulled me onto the dance (well, "grind") floor. I don't usually like grinding all that much but I was really into him and he seemed to be into me, and he had been really sweet to me the whole night. So we continued to dance for about an hour, just us - he never left my side - and had a lot of fun until they called Last Call. We left the bar, and couldn't find our other friend. We walked toward the bus stop and he pulled me really close to him and put his arm around my shoulders. We realized we'd missed the last bus that either of us could take, but he lives closer to the University than I do, so I thought maybe I could just stay at his place...he agreed and kissed me for a few minutes on the sidewalk and then we went to get a cab. When we got to his place we stumbled into the bedroom and then we basically slept together. The sex was good and exciting, as drunk as we were, and he was SO cuddly afterwards, and the next morning. He offered to drive me back to my place instead of to school and I left him with a hug/kiss in the car. He had mentioned something about a wine-tasting going on the next day, but it turned out that I couldn't go. I called him to tell him this, and suggested instead that we do something on the following day - like go out for sushi. He said that was a great idea and we arranged to meet up that day. Then he asked me, "So how are you? Is everything ok after the other night?" and it was, but I appreciated that he seemed to care.Last night, we went out for sushi. And then he took me to a cool little ice cream place, and then we went back to his place and watched a DVD we both liked. He paid for dinner, even though I offered to go halfsies; I got the ice cream. We snuggled under a blanket on the couch with a glass of red wine and watched the movie. He would have his arms around me and would once in a while tilt my chin up and kiss me. I had a wonderful time :) We had kind of agreed in not so many words that we should "take it easy" now and so I left after the movie. He said "I had a really good time hanging out with you" and "Have a good night" and gave me a kiss and then I said "see you on monday I guess" and that was it.My concern is: did sleeping with him the first night ruin any part of this (that was my first time doing that...usually I wait months when dating someone)? Are we getting too comfortable for not really having gone on more than 2 dates? What should I expect to happen now, especially when I see him in class on Monday? Will he ask me out again and eventually ask to have a steady relationship, or will it fizzle out? Lastly, do you think anything is going to happen on Valentine's Day, or is that too much pressure at this point?Thank you for any advice/wisdom you can provide!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): Yes, it is too much to invite him to go with you to the concert or to invite him over afterwards.......unless you are just interested in the sex.....and guys like to be the pursuer, so that answers your questions about the texts.
A
female
reader, alskling +, writes (10 February 2009):
alskling is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI saw him on Saturday for the sushi/icecream/movie date, and then Sunday he sent me a text at 3 pm, then a link to an article for a project we're doing together at 6 pm, then another text around 10 pm.
Today, Monday, I talked to him in class and then ended up walking pretty close to his bus stop with him and he asked me about going to the coffeehouse sometime.
We also found out that we're both planning on going to the same concert on Saturday (V-Day)...maybe we'll go together and then stay at my place or his place afterwards??
My only concern is that he texted so much the other day (granted I didn't see him) and then today, nothing.
Should I text him tomorrow if I don't see him at all and he doesn't text me, or should I let him initiate everything so he feels like he's chasing me (obviously I respond to his texts, but I haven't initiated any of them).
Is it too much too soon to invite him over to my place after the concert on V-Day?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): AAAH, you are asking the questions in your last paragraph that tell me you want some sort of psychic answer because no one can answer what he will do in the future....that is the fun of dating you just have to wait to see what you get.
Did you sleep with him too soon, yeah, I think so...and you know you did, will it ruin things? It depends on how he thinks about it and how you start acting. If you do start calling him and acting like his girlfriend he won't like it.....so for at least the first two or three months, let him do all of the asking....and if you want to not have sex for awhile because you think it was too soon, then you can say so and not have sex....it isn't a given that you owe it to him from now on.....just say you got carried away because he is such a handsome guy, but you think it is too soon and you would like to be friends first....relationships need a strong foundation and putting sex in the mix clouds everything and makes things too emotional too soon, I think. But did you ruin things? Probably not....depending on the two of you and how you handle it.
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A
female
reader, UK  +, writes (8 February 2009):
I don't think you have anything to worry about, he clearly likes you, his words and actions make this obvious, wait til monday and see what happens, he might be feeling the same as you are right now, so if he doesn't mention what happened or ask you out again then how about you suggest somehting, why not ask if he wasnt to grab a bite to eat on the weekend, no doubt this will lead to something happening on V-day, good luckC.
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