A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can a guy call me everyday, invest in driving 7 hours to see me and put effort into our relationship, say he loves me and buy his/her things for his apartment, and then turn around and be on Tinder at the same time? I have a right to be upset about this right? When I showed I was hurt and confused by all this he told me we weren't dating and I was acting foolish and then kicked me out of his apartment...after I had driven 7 hours to see him. He told me I was being manipulative and other sorts of words. Why does this happen? He made it clear I could only be a friend and nothing more since I could not handle sex with friends in a mature manner.I feel sad, upset and hurt that I made myself vulnerable to someone I thought would love me properly Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 August 2015):
 It sounds like you thought you were having a relationship with him (and I bet he played that part extremely well, making you think you two are a couple).
And when you CALLED him on his Tindr thing, he decided the BEST way to avoid having to own his behavior was to tell you that the two of you were FWB or F-buddies, not in a relationship.
What a king of crap!
Honey, I get that you are mad, disappointed etc... BUT thank you lucky stars that it ended right there and then. CUT the contact, let the he-whore go.
Next time, find a guy closer by and 1. HAVE the conversation "what are we?" (bf/gf) 2. look at a guy's actions, don't just go by his words.
NEVER EVER settle for FWB if you want a relationship and NEVER settle for a FWB thinking you can "change" his mind.
You picked a dud, it was a mistake. Let it go and PLEASE let him go.
You CAN do better, and you deserve better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2015): hi. I'm really sorry to hear that you have had such a horrid experience here, and you are left hurt.This man has been found out. He likely would have been happily stringing you and other women along, telling you whatever keeps you there for him.You have been open and honest and true, he has not. And in typical style for such a vile man as this he has attempted to turn it around onto you.He wouldn't know what to do with loyalty such as yours because he has no idea what it is, and what a true asset it is in a person.he's damaged goods my lovely- you are not. don't let this knock your confidence in your fine, decent and normal qualities!to hell with him! go find yourself a man who is decent and let this one jog on in his shallow loveless world.look after yourself x
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (4 August 2015):
Your sadness and upset are understandable, but I don’t think you could have foreseen this. From what you write in your post, there were no red flags and warning signs before you spotted his Tinder profile, that would, with hindsight, have alerted you to the possibility that he was a chancer. It sounds like he said and did all the things you would expect of a boyfriend and you would have thought he would have ceased using a dating app. If it were an old profile, he could have just said that. Instead, it sounds like he completely overreacted because he had been caught out. Clearly he wanted something casual. Perhaps he told you that and you hoped he might come to want more. Perhaps he deceived you in to believing he wanted something more serious. The important thing when you’re hurt and let down like this is to try and take something away with you for the future so something good might come of it. I would say that this shows the importance of having clear, direct conversations about where you are and where things are going in a developing relationship, so you know where you stand and what the expectations are. I’m not saying it’s fool-proof, or that people never lie because we know that they do. But most people are honest.
I wish you all the very best.
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