A
female
age
36-40,
*icky1234
writes:Hi, I live in Italy and at the end of last year I went out with an Italian guy in the north for 3 months. We were never official but I really liked him. He broke up with me by pulling a Houdini and I was heartbroken. We got back in touch 5 months later a couple of nights before I returned to England in the summer. But within those 5 months I went to the south on holiday as a group for 4 days and within that group was a nice guy. We only kissed and because we got on so well we decided to have a weekend away. Anyway because some time had passed plus I had slept with the Italian who I really liked, I made it clear to the guy from the south I only wanted to go away as friends and he respected that and nothing at all happened. I had already told the other Italian from the north that I was going to away(he didn't know when or who with). Then we had a conversation two days before I was going away that he missed me so I suggested we go on holiday to which he responded that from September he wanted to make it official and he realised he loved me. I told him that from September I will be his girlfriend and he confirmed that it would be pointless to be together as a couple before then because we're both away. Anyway, because I sometimes worry and therefore always like to be honest and open, when I got back he messaged me and I slipped into conversation that I went with a male friend and that I'd got him a little souvenir(just from a museum). He just said 'really? I'm curious' I responded and said it was only a small present. Do you think he'll still want me to be his gf knowing I went on holiday with a male friend? It was already prebooked so I couldn't cancel and we both would have lost a lot of money. Do you think I shouldn't have told him?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 August 2015):
 He is what I would call a flake.
See what I meant about healthy skepticism? He's not reliable, he's all over the place, what he says and what he does do not mesh.
I'd just drop him like the proverbial stone. All you will get from him is drama, unease, uncertainty, yuck, blech, crap.
You can do so much better. Maybe that nice guy might still be interested?
A
female
reader, Vicky1234 +, writes (11 August 2015):
Vicky1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he told me he was going to get me a present from his holidays and a day after he put his profile picture on whatsapp of him kissing another girl who looks about 18 (he's 29). He came off Facebook a couple of weeks ago so I don't have a clue who she is. I know we're not together but after saying he loved me this is so hurtful. I asked him if he still has feelings for me and he didn't reply. What the hell is this all about?!
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A
female
reader, Vicky1234 +, writes (5 August 2015):
Vicky1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm happy that we're not make it official now because we are both away and I myself don't want to feel pressure or commitment for over a month when I'm not seeing him. I booked the weekend away with the guy from the south in June before I met up again with the one that I like but went on holiday in July when I was back in touch with him. Anyway, I don't think it matters. Nothing happened with the other one while we were away plus I'm not together yet with the guy from the north. I think I was probably worrying over nothing! I like the guy in the north so I guess I've got to trust his reasons for him disappearing. He was in a very stressful situation and different people respond in different ways. Perhaps a potential relationship was an added pressure he couldn't deal with at the time. He seemed genuinely sorry and he went out of his way to tell me. But your right I think I should go in with my eyes open and be prepared if things don't work out. Thanks for your advice :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2015): Hmmm...You're saying you were never officially together with this guy and then he pulled a fast one. And in the 5 months where he'd disappeared you went on holiday with another guy.To be honest you have nothing to be worried about - after all, it was him who disappeared off the face of the Earth. Why should you put your life on hold? He hurt your feelings and you deserve to live your life to the full with people who appreciate you.I also find it bizarre that he's now all of a sudden come back on the scene and wants to make you his gf as of September... Why isn't he making it official now? Even though you're both away, if he really loved you the timing of it shouldn't matter. It sounds like you're booking your car in for a service rather than a relationship.Like Tisha, I would advise you to be on your guard... If he disappeared once, who's to say he won't do it again??
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A
female
reader, Vicky1234 +, writes (4 August 2015):
Vicky1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I just really like him! What can I say! He told me that he disappeared because he was suffering from depression. He was working as an architect for his family which he was finding very stressful and in the meantime he has changed jobs and moved to the country side. At the time he couldn't cope.
He promised it would never happen again. When he asked me to be his girlfriend I said yes but when he said he realised he. loved me and wanted me to live with him I just told him that we'll talk when we get back.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 August 2015):
Interesting question.
What I'd want to know is what he's been doing these past few months? Has he been polishing the silver in the local Catholic church? Practicing chants with the monks? Handing out alms to the poor?
And what was the deal with the Houdini episode? What was that all about?
I wouldn't put too much stock into his words just yet. September is a few weeks away. Add a few more weeks and you have 3 months... and in those original 3 months, you were never official.
Proceed with caution. And a healthy dose of skepticism.
Oh, and don't apologize for your vacation plans. Don't lie or hide them, but don't allow yourself to be put in the position of justifying your actions when so clearly he has not justified his.
You sound a bit desperate, to be honest. Why are you so anxious to be with Mr. Houdini?
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