A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm in a tricky spot at the moment. My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me just before Christmas. He hadn't been himself for awhile. He told me he needed this so that he could "find himself" and that he needs to be alone to sort out his life. He said it was a "break up" and not a "break" because he doesn't know how much time he'll need. About 4 months before this, I had found out that he fallen into an emotional affair with a coworker, but we wanted to work through it and though I tried on my end, he really didn't put forth anything like the effort he should have. I do believe that she is still an issue, even though she wasn't mentioned in the reason for the breakup. I thought that maybe he was just trying to let me down easy, but how things have been since then have me confused. We have an apartment together, though he is living with a friend now, he hasn't moved anything out, in fact he has put new things in! He comes in as he pleases (though I recently told him to call first, and he agreed but was visibly upset). He noticed that I had a rental application for an apartment I'd looked at on my desk, and got upset about it, asking me "what are you doing?" and told me that he wanted me to "stay put" for the time being. He cries every time he sees me, and still acts a bit as a couple with me - i.e. - wants hugs, kisses me on the forehead, buys my drink. I feel that we are in relationship limbo right now, and it's very hard on me. I don't think he means to string me along, I think he just doesn't know what he wants, and he even may be a bit depressed. My question is: what do you think is happening, and where should I go from here? Any insight would be greatly appreciated - thank you!
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affair, broke up, christmas, co-worker, depressed Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help. :)
I agree with what you say, and am trying to put it into practice. I don't make myself emotionally available to him, and I don't contact him. I'm also moving from option 1 to option 2, but it's a hard step to take! All of my convictions about taking option 2 go out the window when he's in front of me - it's like an addiction!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): you need to look after yourself and put YOU first! he broke up with you, he has no right to expect or ask you to stay while he figures his s**t out. he's messing you around (even if he doesn't mean to) and you deserve so much better. i think the best thing you can do for yourself is move on and focus on you.
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A
female
reader, feathery  +, writes (21 January 2011):
I am also in relationship limbo right now, it's awful never really knowing what's going on. Ultimately you have 2 choices, stay as you are and ride it out whilst he 'finds himself' or tell him you can't keep going the way you're going and have a clean break as it were.
I am currently going with option 1, but I am losing patience and faith pretty fast! So I think option 2 could be hitting me sooner than I thought!!! It's a bit different for you because you and your ex share an apartment, but it's not fair for him to string you along like this, even if he doesn't realise he's doing it.
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