A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here’s my problem:I probably have the relationship from hell, but I can’t break up with this guy, I love him too much. Problems: He takes money from me and says he’ll pay me back, never has. (over all, he’s taken at least £1000 from me.)He’s quick tempered to say the least. (I have marks to prove it.)He hides things from me.He’s jealous of everything; he isn’t going to his sisters wedding just because his brother was chosen to be the usher instead of him.He has gone through my phone and deleted all of my contacts that are male, same with msn and any other things that I use.He has the lowest confidence I’ve ever seen, so is constantly saying I deserve better, he’s fat, he’s ugly, he’s a loser etc, but is then quick to say how he deserves better than me etc. and I know how selfish this’ll sound, but the biggest problem for me is the sex, he’s really selfish sometimes, he’s really really small AND he’s not willing to try anything new, we’ve been having se for the last 10 months and we’ve only done ONE position! :( We can’t do other positions because, well, he doesn’t last long enough. Am I just being selfish? I can’t dump him, I love him too much, but I don’t know how much more I can take. :(
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confidence, jealous, money, msn, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, alwaysreadyandwilling +, writes (24 July 2009):
 His jealousy is probably judged on his own standards. If you have given him nothing to be jealous about then he`s bad news. If you have done anything to make him believe you have been rude behind his back,have it out with him. Sometimes people dont say the full story and when it comes out it paints a different picture. I once met a piece off a dating site,did the biz then she told me she had someone who was neglecting her. It turned out in the end that everyone she knew was also neglecting her,she then went back online and now someone else is probably neglecting her. This is not about you,but all i am trying to say is sometimes things are a lot different then they seem.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): he makes me laugh. basically that's it, but i can't dump him, he's suicidal when i dump him and his daughter is staying with him so i couldn't bare to see what happened :(
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 July 2009):
 Can you tell me what's good about him and your relationship with him? Why you feel love toward him?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 July 2009):
 I'm sorry to say this but you have come onto this site, listing all the terrible things about your boyfriend and then claim you cant leave him! So what do you want us to say? That it is ok for him to hurt you physically? That it is ok for him to control your life down to the people you speak to? That it is great to go out with a guy who isnt mature enough to go to his own sisters wedding? That it is ok for him to say to you that he deserves better than you? That you will just have to put up with terrible sex for the rest of your life?
The reality is this: you are 17 and of course you can leave him if you want to. You are very young and will meet plenty of other guys who will treat you right. Life should be fun and you should have a boyfriend who makes life even better, not someone who makes your life worse.
From the comment about your sex life, it seems you have tried to talk to him about sex but he is unwilling to change - so if your boyfriend wont listen to your feelings then there is nothing you can do!
The only way to solve all these problems would be to talk to him about it and tell him how unhappy this is making you. But if he wont listen, then it is your choice whether you accept that this is your life and it will stay this way forever, or you leave him and find a man who will treat you right.
I am guessing this is your first love, I understand how hard it is to ever imagine leaving your first love. With my first love, I thought we would be together forever and I couldnt imagine life without him. I thought I would die if he wasnt in my life. Truth is, I was 16 and was head over heels for a guy who was totally wrong for me. It was a year of pure hell, way too much for me to handle at 16. He tried to kill himself every time we broke up, he would get jealous if I went out with friends and there were guys there, he would go mad if I even spoke to another guy. He controlled my life and I lost some of my friends because of him.
Eventually we split up and within an hour I wanted him back, but my mum did the best thing and took my mobile off me (this was in the days before facebook lol) and she didnt give my phone back for a week. I spent a week crying on the sofa and barely moved, but after that it was like a weight had been lifted. I felt free, I could see my friends again and I started to have fun again like a teenager should. A couple of months later I met an amazing guy who loved me so much and treated me like a princess, and I thought to myself why did I waste so much time with my loser of an ex!
So yes right now it seems like the world would end if you left him but in reality, you deserve better than this at your age and life is too short to be with someone that makes you unhappy. Be brave and do what is right for you - start putting yourself first and make yourself happy! Only you have control of your life, it is in your hands to start living your life the way you want. If this relationship really is the relationship from hell then it is in your hands to do something about it! If your boyfriend doesnt value you enough to try and listen to your feelings then you cant do anything else but leave him! Do you honestly want to put up with this for the rest of your life?
It is your choice but I promise you that you have the strength to leave him if you want, you are young and life will get better. Try and work things out if you can but dont put up with anymore of this behaviour, you deserve so much better.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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