A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There are so many "views" and comments out there that makes me more confused; "you'll know when you meet the right guy", "love is all you need", "there is more to a relationship than love", "soulmate", etc. I am in a 2 year relationship. We have lived together for 1 1/2 years of that relationship, and currently live together. He was the one who asked me to move in. I am confused because I am unsure of where this relationship is going and how I feel about this guy. I do believe that a relationship can grow into something great if both of you are willing. But this whole "you know when you know" is bugging me. Is it normal that I don't know after 2 years if I want to spend the rest of my life with him? Is it normal that I question; is there someone else out there that is more perfect for me? someone who is "the one"? or is he the "one" and I just don't see it!He is everything I am looking for in a future husband except for his lack of affection, compliments and communication of his feelings. He listens to everything I have to say and when we argue he is always the first to appoligize or find a solution. But he lacks in communicating his feelings. I would ask him how he feels about me, what he likes about me, etc, etc and he always responds with "I always say I love you" or he would get mad because I keep asking him. It has taken me over a year to get him to cuddle with me sometimes (but its only when he wants to), he does not like PDA, his kisses are quick pecks, and we never hold hands. I like attention, comments and affection. I lack it from him. I know I can live with less than what I really want, but its nice to know how a guy feels about me! right? I know he does love me and he shows it in other ways than affection, but I don't know if it is normal to want as much affection as I do. I did date a guy previously for 3 years who gave me lots of affection and commented me everyday, so I don't know if I am use to that and that is why I keep looking to him for it. (I want what the romance films have)I am a very pretty girl, everyone tells me this, even those I meet. But it would be nice to hear it from my guy once in awhile. I think I have less confidence in myself due to the lack of affection. Is that normal?He is aware of these issues I have with him and he tells me he is working on it, and after our discussion I do see a small change, but is still not enough. I know he is that that type of guy. And I have heard stories that sometimes these guys end up being more affectionate when they have kids, but do I have to wait till then...My confusion is the above and; I like being around him, spending time together, and I love him. But I don't have that butterfly feeling or weak in the knees when I see him. I do not feel head over heels for him (maybe its because I don't get the attention that makes me feel that way). My fault may be that I am somewhat comparing my relationship to my past. I was crazy about my ex, I did silly thinks like write him notes, buy random gifts cuz they reminded me of him, made a story book about us, etc. But please note my ex was controlling, and abusive. It was not healthy relationship. My mind goes back and forth with my guy. I want to stay because he is good for me, but yet sometimes I have one foot out the door when we argue.Is it normal for me to question our relationship after 2years and not know if I should say yes if he asks me to marry him? (we have talked about marriage) I should know after 2 years if I want to marry this guy! Please post your comments.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Well if i am completely honest, which i always am i would say slogans like 'he is the one' and 'you will know when you have found him' is all highly over rated. You talk about love in the movies, it gives every girl these images of how love should be magical ect. But the real world is not always like that and in the real world most guys do not like showing there feelings or having deep conversations. I guess this is your choice to make I am not telling you there is'nt a better guy out there for you or that you dont deserve to have affection, but in reality not a lot of people get affection 24/7 i could just say deal with it, but you need to look deep deep in to your soul and ask yourself is this what you want out of life? Dont listen to the bullshit about aw he will show it after children, am afraid this is who this guy is nobody can change him and it's not right to want to change him as plenty of women would appreciate what he offers. Dont be silly enough to start having children in hope things will change and end up being left a single mother because your hopes where crushed, you just need to be honest with yourself and say am i 100% happy and if you are not then call it quits and go in search for your perfect guy. Good Luck.
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