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female
age
36-40,
*ee_xoxox
writes:I have been officially dating a cop for about 6 months, but we met 9 months ago. He is a loving, thoughtful, and easy going guy. We have a pretty good relationship the only problem is my trust issues that I have, and it's mainly because I have heard so many negative things about cops and their high divorce rate, infidelity, and the women with "uniform fever." He works nights and sometimes 12+ hours. My friends keep telling me to just walk away from this now before he gets too controlling and/or abusive. Are most cops really like this? I really need help because I have never dated a cop nor will I ever again after this guy. I also feel like he has no emotions sometimes, specially when are arguing, he will just walk away and not want to talk things out. Why is that? is that how he is or is it because he is also in the Air Force, has been deployed over seas 3 times, and because he is a cop?someone please answer my questions with any feedback.Vee
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Hi. Okay. My fiance is a polcie officer and a marine. I completely understand the " emotional detatchment" that you say he has. He will probably come out of this eventually, it just takes time and patience from you. Maybe even considering going to couples therapy ; maybe he feels like he isn't being heard. I dont mean this to be a fault of yours, cops have a different way of looking at things. Mine certainly does. But my point is that if you really want things to work out, then I see no reason not too. Not all cops are assholes, alcoholics, and cheaters. My family was upset when I first told them I was dating a police, and they have all apologized to me after jumping to judgement. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): I too WAS dating a cop... started out great, he told me he was crazy about me - dated a few months, we were very much into each other and things turned REALLY weird. On one date, he actually was a complete jerk -I purchased expensive tix to a football game and he complained the whole time - that I was walking too slow, how much money he spent on beverages, that he didn't want other guys "looking" at me (he has made that comment more than once). It was a horrible time and he made me feel insignificant and uncomfortable - he seemed very uptight in that setting and I was doing everything in my power to make HIM comfortable at the expense of my own happiness. NO FUN.We ended up leaving the game NOT speaking - on the way home I tried to explain why I was hurt and upset... he shut down. We did not speak for 2 days. He would not return my calls even though his jerk attitude was the ISSUE.I attempted to speak to him after this incident since we had plans to go out of town together that next weekend- again, I purchased concert tix for us - he initially agreed to go and was excited. THEN, at last minute, he decided it was best I go by myself. I was very upset, had words with him - and went alone. Traveled 7 hours alone...His comment "oh, you are a big girl, you will be fine by yourself." SERIOUSLY??Things have not returned to normal - he says he doesn't like the fact that I "nag" about spending time together. Um, I have never been called a NAG in my life - in any of my relationships simply because i want to spend time with someone. He "gives" me ONE day a week, MAYBE - because he is busy with his life or work...he even limits his communication now. I've tried to talk, work it out, dance, scream... and he acts like a complete JERK. He says things that are demeaning and hurtful...then he turns around and says "i love you." I care about him, but just can't deal with this type of mentality - it's borderline abusive. It's too exhausting to "try" to read his mind, to get him to acknowledge my existence, figure out what he wants and to work this out. My friends and family told me to "RUN..."
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Well if he has no emotion when he argues with you vs screaming, then id safely say he wont be abusive. Cops have their stereotypes, issues, etc....I HATED them when I was teen lets just say that. After maturing, yes, Im a changed guy and work with them to help others. I look at your husbands job as damn stressful and perhaps underpaid. Stay away from films that surround cops and their psychological issues. Tho training day was a damn good film, I find it more entertaning than a bout for a philisophical context on the psyche of a given police officer.
He may just want to avoid conflict. Im like this. If he walks away, he just doesnt wanna deal with it. This is an obvious bad communication issue and for some reason he feels he cant work things out with you. Id approach him casually perhaps when youre on the couch watching re-runs of madtv or macgyver :p, and ask him kindly "I feel we have some relationship concerns and I would like to address them with you." as dr southern talkin phil that sounds, it works because its straightforward, polite, and genuine.
In regards to your friends miss, respectfully, keep them out, when you bring others into the relationship only bad can happen unless its a counselor or therapist as they know psychology much better and are qualified to handle matters. Besides, if he sees you keep your issues between the two of you and not any family or friends, he'll see that as respectful and that alone may say to him "okay, she respects our privacy and our relationship so it must mean something to her" when he feels that, he may feel more apt to speak with you about things he normally wouldnt talk about because he trusts you to keep things private. I, myself, would find that to be a great quality in a woman who respects the privacy as I am one who does that. Speak to him, bottom line. Good luck.
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reader, bankaccount  +, writes (28 September 2010):
every person or cop is different most are loving nd caring it is only a smal migority that has a violent or abusive streak ..
i would jus stick at it ...but only if you love him .. mabey try it and if it isnt working then end it.
wish you the best of look
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