A
male
age
41-50,
*amin
writes:I was seeing a girl for 2 and a half years. I have just returned from three months away, she was fine before I left and we agreed to split but remain friends. While I was away I was having a very hard time the first few weeks and so wished to talk to her. She ended up ignoring me for a month. In frustration on one day I called her a bunch of times (from south america) I was going to the jungle and wanted to know she was ok. She sent an email saying that I should nt have called her so many times and I need psychological help. From my point of view this behaviour was very passive aggressive and if she had not wanted to talk, she should have said.Now she refuses to talk to me. We live together in the same building though I have not moved back there yet. I asked if she wanted to meet for a coffee and she replied no, and she would like me to move out of there. She got very angry when I said it was my home and I had no intention of doing that. I would like to remain friends but it seems impossible to communicate with her.I even saw her out the other day and she refused to talk to me. She seemed very arrogant and righteous, really not how I remember her. Apparently she is not seeing someone else. I do not think this would bother me if she was, I just want to remain civil. Very confused and frustrated! Tempted to send and email to put her in her place and express frustration but another part of me says be the bigger man and just do nothing.Confusion... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Jamin +, writes (19 August 2012):
Jamin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies. Indeed I do not want to be labelled a stalker! The most frustrating thing is that this is a misunderstanding as far as I am concerned. Also the fact that I would have not tried to contact her had she explained that she wanted space in the beginning instead of telling me to call whenever I want. It seems she has made a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. The 'psychological help' was regarding me saying I was having a hard time on my travels. I was studying shamanism and it was extremely demanding to say the least. She has a family history of mental illness so I believe it is a fear of hers.Despite the frustration I do not believe any communication will be received rationally and any attempt to explain or justify would probably be misread right now. It would be nice to know why she is acting this way but I guess you can't make someone communicate. I do not agree that ignoring someone is a form of communication however since the initial calls she has made it clear that she doesn't want to talk and I have little choice but to just deal with the frustration and try and look past this. Perhaps acting this way is her way of cutting ties, we had a very on off relationship and were more friends than anything. Probably confusing for both and perhaps she is cutting that cycle by labelling me a villain whether consciously or unconsciously. I do miss her, we were like best friends for the last two years, despite the odd relationship. Hopefully with time we can be friends again perhaps in a more healthy way this time.Anyway, Thanks again.
A
male
reader, Jamin +, writes (19 August 2012):
Jamin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. Ironically she sent me a link to that song before I left! :)
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Hi
Just forget her, and dont move,why should you just because she doesnt want to know you,its your home. Chances are you won't see alot of her anyway.
If ALL you did was make a few calls then I think she grossly over-reacted to be honest.
Carry on like she doesnt exist, this isnt going anywhere and you dont wanna be labelled a stalker do you?
As the song says, shes just somebody that you used to know.
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A
male
reader, hummm  +, writes (17 August 2012):
well distance does not always make a heart grow fonder it sounds to me like you did kinda go overboard and also it sounds like she has found something else in her life to devote her time to whether a new male friend or female friend or job or many other things I suggest let her go and do not bug her anymore sorry but that is the truth and life goes on
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A
male
reader, MrBimbo786 +, writes (17 August 2012):
Hi, i really understand why you tried calling her but the fact that she said you need psychological help shows shes not the least interested. If you miss her and feel for her maybe try ignoring her more other than just getting yourself hurt all the time. You never know she might come back
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): I'm sorry but I'm going to have to be honest here. You and her have broken up, you are not together any more and she has made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want to talk to you.
If you do want to be friends with her you are going about it completely the wrong way. The best thing to do is not communicate with her at all, that way she will have space and time to come to terms with not being with you. If she then feels that she misses you or wants a friendship with you then she will contact you. Right now you are just ignoring her wishes to be left alone which is possibly frustrating her and causing her to lash out at you.
Don't try and pretend to yourself that you are being reasonable and she is being insane, that is not the case. You are directly ignoring what she's asked from you. Stop it or be labelled a stalker for life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): The important part of the story is missing, why and how you broke up? Maybe she was hurt so badly otherwise there is no reason to act like that. What are you looking from this relationship do you want to come back to her or you just want friendship? Talk to her and if she really doesn’t want to see you so just walk away and do not bother yourself anymore.
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