A
female
age
26-29,
*lizaS01
writes:I was talking with my friend the other day and she asked me "what's the thing you've done in life that you're ashamed of and wish you had never done?" I said i don't know because i hate telling people the real answer.The truth is, the thing i'm most ashamed i've done in my life is date someone who i had never met. I met him online, i knew he was real and not like a peado as i went on Skype with him. I started talking then obviously being a teenager i started to fall for him, i'd talk to him everyday and he'd be really sweet to me. Every time we spoke i'd get butterflies and i don't think it was love more lust? I don't know, what does love feel like? Anyway, he asked me out and I said yes but it would be really difficult as I lived in Manchester and he lived in Birmingham. All of my friends didn't like the fact I was dating someone i didn't know and as i was only 14-15 they kept telling me i was doing wrong. At the time i ignored them and we were together for 9 months, until he cheated on me which i know now is my fault for being so stupid. So, that's the truth but i hate bringing it up when people ask me questions like that, or about previous relationships because i've never actually had a boyfriend and i feel like i should have had at least one 'real' boyfriend as i am now 17. How do i tell people these things? Without feeling embarrassed or stupid about it? Thanks to whoever reads this.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (18 August 2012):
 You don't need to tell them if they ask.
But really, you're only 17. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 20, and he lived in the USA and I lived in australia. We met online. 2 years later and he has moved over here to be with me.
I also had feelings for other people online before my boyfriend. I never met them but what I thought I felt at the time was true. When I look back, it was just me being naive and flattered that this man was giving me attention. I learned a lot from it.
There's nothing to be ashamed about. You really should just live life and chalk these things down to life experience - and stuff what other people think. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): ok several things I want to say here:
1) you need to free yourself from this shame. It is not shameful to have dated that guy, why do you think it is?? just because your friends were being judgmental and saying it is? Maybe the first thing is to develop a better self confidence in your own opinions, and not be so dependent on other people's approval. because really who's to say that their opinion or judgment really is better or superior to yours? why do your friends get to dictate what is 'shame-worthy' and what isn't?
3) realize that you CAN look back on that dating experience as a mistake, without attaching shame to it and beating yourself up about it. Everyone makes mistakes, it's how you learn. your friends have probably made mistakes too, and if not they will sooner or later in their lives. You can learn from your mistake and still be accepting of yourself and not be labeling yourself as a failure for having made that mistake.
3) you do NOT owe anyone your most secret private thoughts. Just because someone asks you "what's your deepest darkest secret that you're most ashamed of?" does NOT mean you're obligated to tell them!! and honestly, i think people who ask such questions are out of line. You should only reveal these private thoughts voluntarily, of your own accord. It's inappropriate for someone to be asking you to tell them this. Therefore if they do, you're under no obligation to answer them. You can just respond by saying "I'd rather not talk about it" and then change the subject and ask them a question about something totally different. Or, you can just make stuff up.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 The simple answer is you don't. Don't share things you're not comofrtable with everyone knowing. You're not under any obligation to expose past mistakes.
Next time someone asks, tell them you don't answer those questions.
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A
male
reader, hummm  +, writes (17 August 2012):
no matter the age learn from the experience .. when asked such a question I would say well I have done so many dumb things it is hard to choose one but if I had to I always come back with well I fell for a really super hot star and then realize it was just in the night sky damn I was young what can you come back with after saying that? No one can really say much of anything they just look at you like What did I hear that right what did you say ?????confusion
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 August 2012):
 There are things we don't mind sharing and things we DO. You don't HAVE to tell them this, but if you want to, don't be afraid to say, yea I was a little naive back then.
We ALL do stupid stuff.. It's part of growing up and well, many adults STILL do stupid stuff.
And honey, it was NOT your fault that he cheated.
Obviously you haven't dated another guy online since, so... you LEARNED from your mistake.
It's OK to feel a little stupid over things you have done. The trick is... to not do them again.
Chin up. No one is perfect.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (17 August 2012):
 it wasnt that dumb you where young and exploring.. With all this new technology its easy to get caught up nowadays...You shouldnt be ashamed at all. What happened happened and hopefully you learned from it, you should be a wiser and more knowledgeable young lady..
if you want to tell people tell them... if not dont. we leave in an age where technology is coming faster then the social norms can adapt...But online dating is fairly common now and is becoming more and more popular.
Stand by your actions dont be ashamed if people see your not ashamed and dont make a big deal out of it they wont either... and remember everyone else has something there ashamed of so they have no rite or place to judge you
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (17 August 2012):
 You're not obligated to share any information about you, with ANYONE. Don't feel like you need to open up the embarrassing parts of your life, just to satisfy some nosy person's curiosity.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (17 August 2012):
 This is strictly PRIVATE information. No one has the right to demand (or even ask) it of you. If you must go out on that limb, find the SECOND worst thing you've ever done (or the one highest on the list that you are willing to share) and use THAT. But a simple "Nothing comes to mind" is all the answer such questions deserve. Practice being all right within yourself, and keep personal information private, to the extent that you want to.
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