A
female
age
30-35,
*oseLily
writes:When I was 17/18, I had an argument with a girl over a guy. Typical girl problem, I know. I used to really like this guy (now, I think 'what the hell was i thinking?!'), but he ended up getting into a relationship with her. We used to bicker over Facebook, and both of our friendship groups got involved, and to be honest, it got way out of hand. I know it was childish of me to react to her antagonisation, because I felt like she was rubbing it in my face, but once I realised that I was being just as childish and acting out of jealousy, I tried to end the arguments whenever she tried to start one, basically telling her to leave me alone, and that I didn't care, and that it was pathetic. 3 years later, and her and her friends still haven'y gotten over it, even though they used to say they didn't care. They glare at me when they see me, and to be honest, it intimidates me. I admit that I was just as equally childish as her, but surely if she is still giving me that much attention, she's clearly bothered?I'm a shy person anyway - I hate confrontation, and I don't know what came over me when this argument began, but this is being prolonged by their actions and I don't know what to do. I ALWAYS ignore them, and act like I don't care, never saying a word to them, and acting like they don't exist. She purposely makes her friends stare at me as I walk past; and I mean stare. Sometimes, they'll purposely laugh out loud when I'm near or walking past. I also visibly see her pointing me out to other people, probably telling them stuff about me, making me out to be a horrible person, when I know i'm not. I've even had friend requests and Twitter follows from her and her friends over the years, but I've never ever accepted or followed back. I just feel like they're trying to antagonise me again. I just want to forget the argument, because it was pathetic and unnecessary, and I deeply regret it. The only time I really see them is when I go on a night out. I want to know how to deal with this - My friends tell me to ignore them, but after over 3 years of ignoring, they still haven't stopped. How can I cope with this? I know they're insignificant to my life, and i've grown up a lot in the past few years, but I feel so small when I see them. I have a need for everyone to like me, and I think this is part of the problem; the idea of someone being told something about me and judging me through what someone else has said, completely bothers me, and it's hard to just accept that not everyone in the world is going to like me. Any advice is really appreciated.Sorry for the long paragraph, but I'm in need of help!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 June 2012):
 I think the only sensible advice is telling you to keep doing what you are doing, i.e. ignoring them. But, REALLY ignoring them, not just pretending to ignore them. They actually do not exist for you- they are not your friends, not your family , not your boss or coworkers, not anything. They are just some people who like to stare ( but that too, it could be a bit of your paranoia, because it's hard to believe that people will hold so tight on a silly grudge of when they were 17.) So let them stare. If they are so stupid, they are more to be pitied than blamed.
Yes, what a surprise, not everybody will like you and appreciate you. This may sting when you LIKE them back, when you'd want to be on closer terms and their prejudices prevent that. But it does not sound like you want them for best friends, so where's the problem.
As I always say, thank sincerely God or the Universe for these small annoyances, because if you can sweat over the small stuff, it means you don't have anything REALLY bad or serious or painful to deal with. Getting upset about these little , childish skermishes, is a LUXURY.
You can't change personality overnight, but maybe you can try to expand your social circle, meet new people, become more social.. ? Or else find some hobby or interest that will fuel your passions or absorb your attention ?...
Because, if you can focus so intently over the aftermath of a teenage Facebook battle, frankly I think that either you have too much time on your hands , or too much space in your mind, you need something new to occupy them.
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