A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I tend to be OCD and I worry over everything. A year ago I met a guy online who seemed pretty cool. We got into some sexy talk and talked a couple times via instant message. He sent me a picture of himself straight away and usually that bugs me, but I had just gotten out of a bad breakup and was bored, so I continued to talk to him. Eventually he asked me out and we went to dinner and a movie. We talked at length in his car after coffee about what we wanted (no strings attached etc etc) and we began talking about going some place. We ended up deciding to go to a hotel where we had safe sex. We have since talked and he actually has asked me to hang out again, but I feel rather ashamed about putting myself in a casual fling since I didn't really know him and now my brain won't shut up about what if he filmed me at the hotel without me knowing it. He doesn't seem like that sort of guy - very successful etc, but you never know. I'm loosing sleep over it and I know it's stupid. Can someone help me calm down? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ninetoes  +, writes (22 April 2009):
 np...don't be so hard on urself, you did nothing wrong! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your responses. I know its the OCD kicking. I've had dinner with this guy and apologized for not going further with it and explained that I just was going with the flow etc, and he said "don't trip."
Now, I'm just trying to forgive myself for putting myself in a potential situation since I didn't know him well enough - who knows what could have happened. But I keep telling myself that we put ourselves in situations as humans all the time and luckily nothing happened and I'm not alone. I just have to let the negative thoughts go. I don't know why it's not easier.
Thanks again!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 April 2009):
 Hmmm, well, that sounds a lot like some of my encounters over the past two years as a single, older man in Texas. lol Just a few, though. Despite faithful marriages in the past, I'm socially permissive when not involved.
Possibly much like your new friend, my search is for a monogamous ongoing relationship. Maybe he would like to allow a sexual relationship to develop into much more. I can find nothing wrong with that. Most of my (long-term) relationships for more than 45 years started much the same.
Despite all the talk from women about wanting to become "friends first," it usually goes lustful almost right away or not at all. Just make certain that he is not married or doing the same thing with a half dozen other women.
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A
female
reader, ninetoes +, writes (14 April 2009):
Well, I have a lot of anxiety over silly things too and what usually works for me is just recognizing that you DON'T KNOW, and accepting it. You DON'T KNOW that he's a jerk, you DON'T KNOW that he filmed you, or that he's anything bad at all. You just have to be ok with not knowing these things, and trying to predict the worst possible outcome when the reality is: you had sex, enjoyed yourself, and now a guy that seems nice wants to get to know you! You are right, you do need to relax, because everything is just fine!Wish you the best! 3
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