A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Silly question here....I was with my boyfriend for 8 years and we broke up two years ago. I broke up with him for some various reasons that seem to have all been a big case of misunderstand now it seems. Miscommunications. We recently reconnected. Anyway, in the interim - he dated a girl that we both know .. He knew her for a lot longer, anyway, they went out with each other about 8 months after we broke up. He broke up after nine months together with her because he said that he didn't feel a connection. He never told her he loved her but he did care for her a lot. His friend talked to me and said that I broke his heart when I dumped him. Anyway, he was showing me something yesterday on his phone in a message thread from her. Nothing personal, but I noticed that all his messages to her ended in an 'x' - every message did! He's very sporadic in when he does this with me. I know we have only just reconnected and he seems so happy since with me. I just wonder why I'm not worthy of texts ending in kisses. Is he afraid to? Or did he care more for her by doing this. I know this question is so ridiculous and I wasn't really jealous of their relationship at all, but it jarred me a bit when I saw this..!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2014): You're both right. It's how it's is in real life that matters! I'm taking things very slowly and I've been hyper vigilant about stuff resurfacing that lead to the break up in the first place. Thanks :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2014): You're comparing an eight-year relationship with a relationship that lasted barely over eight months.
You and the other woman are two different people. Your personalities will draw different emotional-responses from him. You'll tap into different regions of his heart.
If you are both alike in many ways, some of his behavior will be consistent. I do agree that "x"s at the end is silly. It is childish to say the least. How you are treated is more important. Real kisses matter so much more! You got eight years worth, until things changed.
I caution you to be very careful about reconnecting with an ex. Some things never change in people. You spend some time together after a long absence, and you'll realize how you've really missed one another. Old feelings surface.
You reminisce about the old-times, and get caught-up in the euphoria of recalling all the good things; for old-time sake. This is where people make a mistake, and end up here.
Always think clearly. Stay grounded on reality, and remember what ended the relationship in the first place.
Also take your time. There is no rush. You need to reevaluate his quirks and notice any chances for better or worse. Be vigilant. You may have dumped him first, but you had a reason. Don't let guilt cloud your judgement. As for misunderstandings, if eight-years didn't keep you from dumping him; there was no misunderstanding. You're rationalizing to justify considering a reconciliation.
I'll back-off some; but I will keep you focused.
I know I went off-track when you were more concerned about how he feels about someone else. In truth, only he can answer that question. He may not know for sure himself.
I can say with certainty, that he cares for both of you in different ways. He knows you much better. You have a long history together.
That doesn't mean that you'll work-out the second time around.
It means you once knew who you're dealing with really well; but now you have two years of catching up on who he has now become.
You're both more mature and will have a better approach at things. I'm just reminding you not to be too caught-up in the past; and to remain here in the present, to be sure you know what you're doing. Don't base your feelings on who he was, and how you used to feel about him; but who he is now, and who you have become yourself.
The other woman no longer in is life, is irrelevant. His feelings about you now, are all that counts.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 July 2014):
 I think he was showing you his messages to make you feel jealous. You have just reconnected and neither of you know the future in this, whether you would get married or break up again. He said he broke up with her because he didn't feel a connection, but is it possible that the girl broke up with him because he still loved you? He may be sending her kisses to attempt making that relationship more real. A real indicator of a health of a relationship is what happens in real life, not texts. A guy can send you smiley faces all the time but in real life he can be miserable or suffering from anxiety. If he's not sending you kisses all the time, he could still be bitter about the break up. Your reconnection could be a result of a break down of the other relationship and he's afraid to be lonely. You really have to figure out why you are back together again, for good reasons.
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