A
female
age
30-35,
*esert-rose
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship with a very passive aggressive man. We've been together for 2 years. We had a small argument 2 weeks ago, and i did apologize to him the next day telling him that i'm going through a lot of stress lately, he was like 'it's okay, i forgive you'.I was verbally abused by one of the managers at work, so i explained to him how much i need him to be there for me and to stop giving me the silent treatment, because i can tell when he's going to give me the silent treatment, i literally can see a pattern, so i was like 'please do not give me the silent treatment, not now, i really need you, i'm so scared'. Guess what, it has been 12 days of absolute silent treatment, he even traveled and came back without even saying a word to me.Whenever we have an argument, he would disappear for weeks or even months. I really can't do this anymore, no one deserves to be treated this way, i feel like i'm nothing. I wan't to leave him for good, but it's really hard. Please help. I'm very depressed.
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at work, depressed, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 July 2014):
 I'm sorry but it's time to end this "pretend relationship"
if adults after two years of LDR cannot manage to become a close distance relationship, there is not much going on that an be salvaged.
his disappearing for days and weeks on end is not acceptable behavior. Sadly I'm thinking you are more into him than he is into you.
if there has never been a discussion on who is moving to be with who, then yeah it's all make believe.
besides you do not need a man who mistreats you as a partner. Ignoring you is mistreating you.
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (13 July 2014):
 This is not a relationship....its a farce. You need to move on from this guy as your getting nothing out of it.
the more YOU apologize for him giving you the silent treatment and the more you beg him to stop ignoring you, the more control he has.
You need to put your big girls pants on and stand up to him. Don't keep tiptoeing round him, apologizing and telling him your scared - tell him to sling his hook!
Mark
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 July 2014):
 He disappears for weeks and month? Sorry, but you're not in an LDR with this guy. He's got someone there, and if he didn't, then you're not in any real commitment with him.
It's time to end the pretend relationship once and for all and date someone LOCALLY. This LDR is already in the coffin. You need to let go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 July 2014):
 I have to agree with Janniepeg. YOU should take the 12 days of "silent treatment" as him breaking up with you and YOU should cut the contact too.
He ISN'T being a good BF, not even a decent one. My guess is you ALWAYS apologize even when the fault isn't with you, JUST to keep the "peace" with this guy.
Another guess... He has a GF where he lives. Or he is seeing someone and thus don't really NEED/WANT to be in constant contact with you...
Or as WiseOwlE says he likes to have the power over you, he actually enjoys your misery and dependency.
THIS is NOt how a relationship works, not a LDR either.
CUT yourself lose. LIVE life. Life is too short to be miserable with someone like that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2014): The silent treatment works. You hinge your life on having a relationship joined by artificial means. You've put a lot of power in his hands.
You need to get out in the world, and enjoy a real relationship. Reconnect with the world of reality in real-time. Not some bum who's miles away, and probably seeing someone else anyway.
Like any habit that is hard to break. It's hard at first, but gets easier with time. He gave you a head-start. Run with it.
Go do things that make you happy! It's summer! Call your friends, go to the beach. Drive with your windows open. Take a daycation or take a road-trip. Get out of the house and do things. Go to a salon and get a new hairdo. Get all dressed-up, go out on a ladies night with your friends and flirt. If you have no friends, now you have time to go make some. Delete his number and block his calls. That's a start.
You owe the available single-men of the world your presence. You've hidden behind a screen too long.
Appreciate the freedom and all the possibilities!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 July 2014):
 You are in a long distance relationship, so he can't really be there for you. The last thing a man needs in a long distance relationship is more space. I don't think he's disappearing because you had an argument, but rather it's reversed. You are having arguments because neither of your needs are met and the outlet for your frustration can only be on the phone. He figured it's not worth it so he's giving you the message that he just won't bother anymore. You should just take the 12 days' silence as a break up and not contact him anymore.
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