A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK I think my best friend is in love with me. He helps me clean is supportive and loving when he thinks i am in pain. He finds reasons to bring my name into the converstion at social gatherings where i may or may not be present and he has admitted to being very sexually attracted to me. When he goes out with his friends and has a few drinks he phones my house in the middle of the night sometimes he says nothing but i can hear him breathe and i know its his breath even though that sounds crazy and sometimes he has some strange nonsense reason for the call at 330 in the morning. When we have been driving he will reach over to adjust heat or radio if my hand is close so we touch its all very innocent. I am very much in love with him. have been silently for many years. He has a string of girlfriends that come and go even though he has said he really wants to be in love and have a family. He has told me on many occaisons that he feels it isnt in the cards for him. He says that he has found someone hes in love with but wont say who. One night while we were alone we started kissing, we were staring into each others eyes and he jumped up and said "im in love with you already" then he left. There are some reasons why it is almost impossible for us to be together so when i asked him why he didnt give me a chance to respond to him telling me he loved me he said is that what you thought i said? Then he told me i must have misheard him. Since then he has attempted to create distance between us. He doesnt come to see me much and he avoids calling me as much he was over everyday and called at least that much. now he pps in briefly once or twice a week to say hi to my family and calls every 2 days or so. I asked him if he missed me and he said what do you think? I went from being so close to you to this distance. We have never made love and one night i offered myself and he practically ran out the door. Then one night we started kissing and it got intense and he said i just want to make love to you and i said i cant. This type of thing has happened both ways on hundreds of occaisons. One will stop if the other is weak. My question is mostly if there are any men out there who could give me some insight into whats goin on in his mind. he said my kids would be devastated, they would think he was the reason my marriage failed. they would never understand that the relationship was over before he came. They would hate us both and he doesnt want to do that to them or me. The past few days he has been creating arguments with me for little reasons and he asked me if i wanted to go on a dble date with him me not being his date by the way but one of my girlfriends. My heart is wrenching i just dont know
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female
reader, devastated2008  +, writes (3 September 2009):
 I am not a man but I am still responding. He is right you need to finish your business in your current marriage before you even consider a new relationship. You would both be causing unnecessary pain and damage to each other and everyone involved- children,spouse, family, and friends by adding the confusion of an affair into the what is already painful-divorce. Right now you are being driven by your own needs for love and affection, not by love for him. It is not in his best interest (or yours) to be drug through the social backlash and trauma that is likely to occur. I am not going to attempt to recommend that you try to save your marriage even though I am a strong proponent of marriage, but you should really look personally at the fact that you have been carrying on an emotional affair for several years now... which coincidentally started about the same time you say your marriage was really over. You really need to know yourself well before you jump into a relationship with your "best friend"... he deserves that or you are going to hurt him.He clearly respects you enough not to want to cause you or your children harm and is trying to put the necessary and appropriate distance in place to prevent something that is wrong and damaging.
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