A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my bf/partner for 2+ years now, and love him deeply. We have a very strong connection on multiple levels, and the last two years have been the happiest time in my life because of him.My bf has being going through a difficult recovery from a deeply abusive childhood and 20's within the Jehovah's Witness cult (a process of recovery that started well before he met me, but that has accelerated since).Part of his recovery has been him finding himself - building more confidence in who and what he is. It has been wonderful to see him grow in strength and confidence, and I am so proud of how far he has come. However, more recently I have seen him develop more 'camp' behaviour which I am really struggling with.I have always been fairly 'straight acting'. I know, it's bad terminology, but the fact is that I have never really gotten along well with camp guys. I have grown out of the more disdainful and unfair attitudes I held in my early twenties when I deeply resented being associated and labeled with camp people. These days I am far more relaxed - although I don't really enjoy camp mens' company, or camp culture (and I don't apologise for this), I respect and value that part of the community.The problem is that the man I love that (seemed) previously a great deal less camp now seems to be changing character significantly. And I am tearing myself apart trying to adjust. I am terrified because I know people can't change (and should not try to change) their true character, and I know it's utterly wrong to even think of asking someone to 'butch up' or be anything they are not. But at the same time, I have a right to my own preferences and tastes. I have lost a great deal of physical/sexual interest in my bf as this change has progressed, and he has noticed this. I can sense that tension in mounting, but I am very worried about bringing this issue up directly as he is in a very painful and sensitive place right now emotionally.I can't bare the thought of our relationship ending over this issue, but I don't know what is reasonable to expect from both of us in order to make this work.
View related questions:
confidence Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): I know you love him, and you are right, you cannot and should not try to change a person, ie: try to get him to be more butch. we are who we are/
why is he like this now?
maybe this is how he has always wanted to be? maybe he is just being someone he was never able to be due to his religious upbringing?
maybe this is the real him and it has taken a while to get there? maybe its all for show and effect? only he knows.
I know you don't want to hurt him, but if you don't have feelings and/or it is affecting your sex life, then you have 2 choices:
end it, better to end it now than drag it on for months 'til you both have a massive argument and end up hating each other or you get so frustrated that you end it anyway.
or, talk to him, face to face, in a calm and reasonable way and tell him how you feel, he cant "tone" down his behaviour if this is who he is.. he has a right to be who he is, and you have a right to be with a man you are attracted to and who you feel ok with.
you cannot choose who you are attracted to and you don't feel it for him then why stay? yes he will be hurt, but...you will hurt him more long term if you stay just to avid hurting him..or out of obligation for his feelings.
Sometimes people just change, they have a right to, but.. we sometimes don't always fit with their change and we have to move on, even if it is hard.
all the best
sorry to be blunt but thhats it, you cant love and have sex with someone you are not attrqacted to anymore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): What is camp behavior?
...............................
|
