A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Its been about a month since my girlfriend of two years broke up with me and I've been trying to get out of this "mopey" stage. I've been working out, painting, writing, doing my school work, hanging out with friends... you name it. However, it just hasn't cheered me up and I still find myself dreaming about her and thinking of her, which just leaves me in a bad mood.My friends have suggested that I start dating around. They know a few girls who have had their eye on me and they suggest I go for it. I know them and they are really attractive, nice girls. But as much as I want to get myself out there again, I don't want my moodiness to transfer into my dating life. I'm sure this is why rebounds are a bad idea all together.It has been over a month, so its not like immediate rebounding or anything, nor am I looking for a one night stand or easy sex. I'd really like to just go one a couple dates with some nice girls.So do you think this would help? I don't want to lead them on either... thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, everyone, for the input. I'm taking it all into consideration!
Just to be clear, I'm not really looking to get serious (at least for now) with any of the girls I may take out. I simply want it to be a way for me to get to know new people and make new friends, if not at the same time creating a potential love interest for the future. Based on your advice, though, its clear that this is something I need to express to the girl before we go on the date, just so they can speculate whether that is something they want as well. The last thing I want to do is lead someone on, only to break their heart. As I've just had my heart broken, I know much it hurts and would hate to be the cause of that for someone else.
I'd like to accept that "waiting" is the best answer, but to me it hurts so much more just sitting idly while the world around me has all the fun. But we'll see where things go. Thanks again for all the help :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): I'm in a simialar position, but with the added 'bonus' of having been the "victim" of a rebound relationship.
I would advise against it all, if you loved your ex very much, and am still very much not over her. Otherwise, go out and have fun, but don't play with other people's affections. It's not fair.
I thought getting back into dating would help me move on, and went on about four dates with someone. Things were starting to get serious, but then I realised I wsas doing it for the wrong reasons. I had a 'flashforward' where I could clearly see myself sleping with this woman, but afterwards (or during! How awful would that be?!) thinking only of my ex. It would be horrible to her, and would make me feel rotten too. So I've called it to a halt.
So although dating may seem like a good way to get over someone, you might be better off focusing your energies on other activities.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): Meeting new people is good - but, dating, and rebound dating is not. So may people under 30 think the best way forward is to force yourself into new dating experiences in an effort to forget the person you've just broken up, as though no one is ever to feel or experience any discomfort from breaking up.
It is normal and healthy to feel "mopey" as you put it, to feel down, lethargic, thinking about what you've just lost, if you didn't feel like this (which is a natural human barometer)you wouldn't have bonded with your ex. Be pleased you demonstrate very human tendencies, and don't expect t go from "mopey" to free from any emotional residue after only two months. A two year relationship in general takes approximately 6-12 months before one may be ready to embrace someone new. There is nothing wrong with letting yourself move at your own pace.
If you don't go "through" this at your own pace, and force yourself into dating females who you will compare all the time to your ex, and your heart won't be in it. That is NOT fair on any female who's heart you may break, if she becomes attached, and you are just not ready. Forcing feeling beyond what is happening naturally is when we start to form, what is commonly known as emotional baggage. Depending how well we deal with relationship break-ups, ultimately affects how how we let someone else in under the skin, don't deal with it, go through it, you'll carry it into the next relationship which will not only affect you, but your potential partner.
You know pain, rejection is all part of life, it's not something to be scared off, meet it head on, accept it, and allow yourself some time, and don't be forced by people telling you, you must date, that is because they too, feel it's best to bury emotions and move on. May be this is why there are so many people in rebound relationships that make them MORE confused, and their date wondering what the hell they've done wrong.
Really sorry you feel so down, you sound a great guy, so please just take each day at a time, you will get there, and if you don't force yourself into dating, you will also save someone else from going through "rebound fill-in"
Good luck!
Jilly
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): I think it could possibly help you. You won't know until you give it a try anyway, so you might as well. Try it once and if you feel any better, go on another one.
And you will gradually, feel like yourself again. Just give it time, you'll be fine!
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A
female
reader, misshaide +, writes (15 December 2010):
i think that as long as you let them know from the beginning that you are not looking for anything serious and are just casually dating it should be fine, that way you are being honest with yourself and with the girls, and that can also help take a lot of the pressure of, i dont see why it would be bad your just hanging out getting to know them and making new friends, maybe along the road you find that it might actually help take your mind of your ex, just remember your dating and not jumping into any kind of relationship, but dating can be a great way for you to find your next lucky lady(: good luck
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (15 December 2010):
 I think it might help you, in so much as it will start to force you to consider other girls, and realise that they can also be nice.
The problem is that you have pair-bonded with your girlfriend, and part of the process includes kind of excluding all other girls. For your own sake, you need to break out of that, and open yourself up to other girls. If your ex finished with you, that means she isn't the one for you. Hard as that feels, in the long run something else good will happen to you, I'm sure - you sound such a sorted, decent kind of guy. I'm sure one of these other girls will prove to be the girlfriend you deserve, and hopefully next time yr heart will be well placed. Just go on a few dates - you can even explain how you feel (although not too much). See what happens. Nothing ventured ...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 December 2010):
Rebound dating might work for you, but not for the trail of broken hearts you might well leave behind. I doubt any woman would be happy knowing that she went on a date with you only to be blown off. No one likes to find out they've been used.
I would just steer clear of the dating scene for the moment. You can do more for yourself just by focusing on yourself, rather than on women.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (15 December 2010):
 What a refreshing change to hear of a young person wanting to date and not put it about a bit. I think a few dates would do you good. You could have some fun back in your life and it's a very good idea. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Go for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): right now i am exactly where you are in a break up!
i had a rebound and it was a bad idea. my feelings ended up more confused.
however it has made me put things in perspective
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