A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm with this guy who just doesn't want sex often at all. Almost like we switched stereotypes. I'm the one usually pursuing it, and it takes several days before he considers it. I'm not complaining, it's probably better that I have someone keep me in line, I'm just curious why this may be. Like, what are some reasons some guys just aren't into it as much? I've considered a few possibilities myself too...Do guys sometimes lose their sex drive as they get older? He is almost 30 and I'm almost ten years younger, so I'm still young and full of crazy hormones..Before we met he did tell me he was into pornography. Could this maybe effect how he reacts to actually having a real person around? Do some guys just not have a big sex drive for pretty much no reason at all? I'd like to hear your opinions, too, aunts and uncles!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 OP to be honest, women with higher sex drives than men are more common than you think… the myth of the horny male being turned down by the uninterested female does not fly in my experience… just to let you know your normal
I’m 53 and my hubby is 39…. So I don’t think it’s that I’m young and full of crazy hormones and at your age you have not even gotten near your sexual peak (around age 35 for women) so if you think it’s bad now, it’s going to get worse….
This may just be his level and his style….
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): If this is new to you both OP then having a discussion telling him you want to be "fucked" a lot more may yield good results.
If this is his first relationship OP then it is very possible he's a long term porn user and that he still may have that habit so person12345's link will be very helpful if that's the case.
OP just talk to him. Make it sound sexy and fun, tell him you want to be taken more often, when the chance arises maybe start giving him head then whisper in his ear that you want to be "fucked". You know? Get him worked up by initiating and see how that goes.
I mean I can be sitting at the computer busy doing something and my fiancee will come over and throw her arms around me, start kissing my neck and rubbing crotch, and say "let's fuck" and no matter what I'm doing, it's on.
Don't give him time to consider anything, just get him horny and keep trying. If that doesn't work then another discussion is in order.
It's not hard to get us guys horny OP, if that doesn't make him want sex or to a least fool around then a compromise has to be reached. Or it may end up being a case of sexual incompatability.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): Sex drive varies from person to person. Some people arent that interested for many different reasons. It can range from medical issues/psychological problems, levels of fitness/alcohol/drug abuse. Some are more attracted to one particular type than another, which can mean less sex with one type while more with another. Some people like to be pursued for sex, while others find being pursued a turn off. Some withhold sex as a tool to manipulate others, some have difficulties because of over use of porn and many dont have any issues at all. They are fine! They just have a low libido. It might be very hard to discover why your partner has little interest in sex. The best way to find out is to ask him.You mentioned porn. Yes if he has only ever used porn and never been intimate with a woman before, he could be finding it really difficult. So if you can visit the site previously mentioned it might help. Going from probably quite a few years of porn to a real sex life will be a new experience for him and he might be finding it strange to suddenly `share` be intimate and involve you in what was previously a solitary activity. This could leave you feeling shut out/unattractive to him etc. Best have a chat now and see if there is a problem you can help him with or if this is just his natural sex drive and he is fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaybe it is just his thing then. I'm the first person he's been with. He's also my first so it's a new experience for both of us. Porn wasn't my first thought, just one of them. Just trying to rule out all possibilities :p
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): Probably just his regular sex drive OP.
You need to talk to him about it. I wouldn't think porn as you have no evidence of that and guess what? Some people just don't need a lot of sex in their lives and he may be one of those guys.
Don't jump to the porn conclusion until you get an insight into a bit of his sexual history.
I mean ask him how often on average he liked to have sex in his past relationships.
Oh and 30 is old trust me. When person12345 hits her late 20's and dates a 19 year old she'll know the meaning of old in those circumstances.
Op find out if this is his normal sex drive by asking him, if he's never really been bothered having lots of sex then that's all it is. If it's a sudden thing or only happening with you then it's something else and then you can ask him about his porn usage.
I had sex every day last week, and some oral at other times but I also used porn about 3 times last week too, so it's not a guaranteed cause either.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 February 2013):
 "Before we met he did tell me he was into pornography. Could this maybe effect how he reacts to actually having a real person around?"
That would be my first guess, even without you saying that info. On what planet is 30 "old?" 30 is not old enough to lose your sex drive. Porn is one of the leading causes of this in young guys. This website has more information http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
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