A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 11 months now, but 5 months into our relationship I kissed another guy. I feel so awful and sad that I've done something so despicable to someone that I love so much and who is so wonderful and caring. I really do think that we're soul mates. I haven't told him yet because I feel that it wouldn't achieve anything, as I haven't done anything since, and have absolutely no intention of doing it again. But still the guilt eats me up every day. Sometimes I look into his eyes and I just break down and cry. I don't think that he'll find out, as I've only told one friend, and I don't think that she'll spread the word, but I'm still worried that if he does find out, it'll be because of that. Do I tell him now? How after so long? If I don't tell him, how do I deal with the guilt? I can't take the pain anymore. Thanks in advance.
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cheated on my boyfriend, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): You sound like a caring and loving person. Don't beat yourself up. You think you got it bad? I am supposed to get married six months from this coming Saturday. I was approached by a old school friend who revealed to me that my future wife was grinding gears with my best man up to about a year ago. I was sent proof on my ipad. I puked my guts out. I hired a investigator and found out it was true and went and saw a lawyer. I was told that there was little I could do and if I broke up the wedding and everything else I would be held accountable by the court of the land because of president. I threw my cell phone away and presently packing my bags and leaving town. Im out a total of 55 thousand dollars and feel like a fool and have done nothing wrong. Grab your man and tell him you love him. Pick a right time and be honest tell him. I believe in the end it wont really matter. Signed: honest,loving duped fool.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answers. I think that you're right, and I need to try to come to terms with it and spend the rest of our time together making it up to him. I'm someone that feels bad about everything, so this has been the worst experience in the world. I wish you guys all the best, thank you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answers. I think that you're right, and I need to try to come to terms with it and spend the rest of our time together making it up to him. I'm someone that feels bad about everything, so this has been the worst experience in the world. I wish you guys all the best, thank you.
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A
female
reader, LaceratedReality  +, writes (20 February 2013):
For me honesty is the best policy. I would want to know. You cannot build a relationship on lies and secrets. Tell him you made a mistake and then take it from there. Otherwise this is going to continue to eat you up inside.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): OP if you're not going to tell him and you're doing it solely not to hurt him then you have to let go of the guilt. Understand that if you'd told him he wouldn't have what he has now, so you're kind of doing him a favour.
It's not the worst form of cheating and it was a once off mistake so just stop. You're going to ruin this relationship if you can't get over this.
Now saying that, it's been 6 months and you're miserable. You have to decide whether you can keep being this miserable for as long as it takes to get over or just tell him and hope you can resolve it.
Make your choice based on what he wants, you fucked up, would he really want know? Deep down do you think he'd rather not know that you slipped up just once? If he wouldn't then then you're doing a good thing by not telling him and you're bearing the guilt to protect what you have, so that means you're a good person and have no real reason to feel bad.
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 I think the seriousness of the crime doesn't match the guilt you are feeling. Sure you cheated and you had a brief indiscretion, but from the sounds of it, it was just that: a mistake and it was only a kiss (at least from your description)
Look, you didn't sleep with the other person and chances are you had too much to drink or there was some other reason for you to let your guard down. Mistakes happen and so long as you don't harbor feelings for this other person, than chalk it up to just that: a bad mistake.
Even if you confess, there is no guarantee that your boyfriend is going to forgive you and worse, you may even more guilt because now he'll know and he'll feel bad. So in a way, your telling him may be just an attempt to feel better at his expense. Also, this could end your relationship over a silly kiss.
If you want a middle ground, why not treat your boyfriend extra special for a night. You romance him: buy him dinner, wear something special, etc. Go all out. And then call it even. From the sounds of it, you served your punishment (through guilt) and you'll have made up for it.
Eddie
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