A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so before i even met my 3 month boyfriend of today, i met my seriously best friend ever, but he is a boy. I tell him every little thing, and i honestly dont know what i would do without him. So i started dating my boyfriend and whenever i wanted to hang out with my best friend, my boyfriend would get all upset about it and yell at me and start to think i had feelings for him (which i dont). So i told my bestfriend and he got all mad about it too. So like 3 weekends ago, my betsfriend called me and told me he didnt think we should be as close anymore only because he doesnt want me getting hurt. Well, im hurt anyway cause i just lost my best friend. I try talking to my boyfriend about it but he just doesnt understand and he is really paranoid. So please help me. What do you think i should do?
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male
reader, happylife +, writes (10 June 2009):
Hello there and thank you for posting an interesting question.
Here is the deal with your situation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you having a guy best friend. However, the only problem you will face is that you will most likely never earn the trust of a new boyfriend, which will make it nearly impossible for you to have a trusting relationship with someone. I'm sure that you don't see most married people having a best friend of the opposite sex that they spend a lot of time with aside from their spouses. Usually if that were to happen the spouses would also deal with mistrust issues in their relationships.
Bottom line: It doesn't matter how faithful you are to your boyfriend; unless you live a life that will give him absolutely trust, then building a sound relationship will be nearly impossible.
So once again, you are not doing anything wrong by having a guy friend, the only challenge you will face is finding a boyfriend that will trust you while you are so close to your guy friend. You may have to decide on who stays and who goes. If you keep your best friend, keep in mind that the next boyfriend will most likely have the same problem.
PS: When I met my wife, she too had a guy friend that was her best friend at the time. I was never comfortable with the idea and eventually she chose me over him, however, that was her choice!!! That was four years ago and now we are married and have a beautiful daughter.
Good luck,
Happylife
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): your boyfriend is insecure. im assumin hes as young as you? he aint gonna understand now, end of.
as for your "best" friend, i believe hes playin a game. he knows you too well and doesn't like your boyfriend. however patch things up. keep your best friend closer. theres plenty of relationships to come at your age. and although friends may come and go, best friends are hard to maintain.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Dump your boyfriend, give him an ultimatum, say that you and your best friend are just friends so he should stop telling you off for it, and if he can't accept your friendship he should just leave
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