A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys I wonder if anyone can help me with this matter as I'm confused.I work as a bouncer in a nightclub and over the last few monthes I've started to really get along with a woman who works behind the bar. First we started with general small talk which led on to us flirting with each other, which she asked me if I was single to which I replyed that I was and I found out that she was single as well. So I asked her out but she said no!!!!. Her reason was that she couldn't as she had alot going on in her life. I didn't understand what she meant but respected the fact she had said no to me so I decided to keep my distance from her where I wouldn't flirt with her anymore but just say hi if I saw her.I told one of the guys I work with that I do really fancy her but she had rejected me. He couldn't understand why she had rejected me as he knew that she liked me as well. I found out later that my friend had asked her if she liked me and she said yes. So he passed on my phone number to her which she kept.The other night at work I was standing at the bar having a coffee when a woman came up to me and started talking and flirting with me. I'd already met this woman earlier in the night as I'd let her and her friends into the club. Anyhow now this woman started asking me if I was single and if I found her sexy etc. While she was talking to me she grabbed my hand and was holding it. Anyway I rejected the woman's advances and she went back to her friends. When she left the woman who works behind the bar who I like came up to me and asked me what I was doing!!! she had saw me talking the the other woman at the bar and now was upset about it. Then she told me 'Don't mess with me!!!.' I just couldn't understand why she was acting like this?. I told her straight 'I wouldn't mess with you because I really like you.' I left it like that and didn't speak to her again that night. I wanted to ask her why she had got upset but the club was really busy so I didn't get a chance to get her on her own to ask her. But now I'm really confused as I don't know where she is coming from and I don't know what to say or do next time I seee her at work......Really confused and need advice. Please help!!!
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 October 2010):
This is exactly the sort of woman that scares me, and has managed to confuse you. There are some women (and men, to be fair), who feed off others, who love attention and think they should be chased after like there's no tomorrow. Call them what you like - Drama Queens, Primadonnas etc. It's all 'me, me, me'.
In it's most basic form, you like this girl, she seemed to like you, so you asked her out and she said no. That's it. I think she was probably wanting you to make much more fuss and chase her around so she could feel good. Even then, she probably would have said no. Just for the drama.
How do we know she's a Drama Queen and not just a woman who has been hurt? Answer, the way she then tried to control you and get mad when you spoke to another girl. She has no claim to you at all. She turned you down. So the only reason she'd made a fuss is because the attention's not on her anymore. She even has your number and did nothing with it!
This isn't a shy woman. This isn't a woman who has things in her life, because if she did, she'd never have acted that way when you were speaking to another woman. This is a woman who just likes the attention.
My advice? Move on from this one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): Mate Id be really confused if I were you as well. Talk about mixed signals. You know what? I think this girl at the bar is playing a game with you and getting you to chase. Otherwise, why would she make a comment about you having contact with the other lady? This clearly illustrates the strong possibility she is horrible at communicating and when that happens often is this the case that she's immature. Also, workplace relationships can be iffy too man as they can create tension, awkwardness, and even put you at risk for breaking any kind of policy. If I were you, I wouldnt touch this bartender. You see plenty of tail walk in that club each nite, why focus on just this one when you have several other opportunities at your grasp? If the girl approaches you and apologizes and says she was immature and was playing a game, then I wouldnt even consider her of a friendship. She was wrong in what she said and you did nothing out of place as you are not even seeing her. Dont feel guilt my man.
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