A
female
age
41-50,
lija30
writes:You are at work palms all sweaty thinking about tonight and part of you wants to just say,"forget it." Everyday you are falling for him and you know where this is leading. You want so bad to make this work but your past is holding you back. When you see him, he reveals all of himself to you and wants to be closer. So you are close to sealing the deal on the relationship, the question is what is wrong? Could it be that you are not as social as you used to be? Alot of people fear falling in love because of how they look, act, or even talk. In America, celebrities have defined what beauty is and its hurting everybody. A crooked nose or big butt are just not wanted by some people. When people can not be the themselves they walk around in this shell wondering if someone can guess who they really are. Even on line people never escape this dark cloud that hangs over most people. Alot of people are afraid to fall in love because they fear rejection. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could reveal everything about yourself and the person you love would still be standing there. Real love is when you can shed everything and be yourself. In our culture today this hardly ever happens. So many people are sitting at home right now, sad because there is no one to love in their life. If people were more accepting and trying not to tear down folks things would be better. But since everybody is concentrated on the good we never get anywhere in relationships. When you start to become involved in plenty of relationships, your fairy tale starts to disappear. Nobody wants their heart crushed or feelings walked on, falling in love is never easy. When you start your car in the morning you are guaranteed it will drive. Love is unpredictable and very hard to come by, also confusing. Its hard to believe in love when you have been hurt repeatedly and the fear that the other person may not feel the same is overwhelming. What if you say that you love her and she is thinking of leaving the relationship three months in. Its hard to know another persons heart and what they feel about you. Real love can never happen unless you can trust, give, and communicate
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Continued-I trust my boyfriend completely. He's out with an ex. Ah, ok? I wont be like "omigod wtf". We'll talk about anything.lol Even if its an awkward conversation. Its been that way for years.Well...Pretty much. Now that we're together i feel better about a lot of things.Theyre are a lot of people in the world that look up to all those famous people, i mean hey, thats great and all. But you cant BE them and live the seemingly happy lives they are. The loss of theyre loves happen too. They divorce, they get plastic inlogged in theyre bodies. To me it looks as if theyre never happy and use money to cover it up.But that doesnt mean as we other people cant find some one we love so dearly. That person that loves us for everything. Loves another even if a person doesnt a certain part of them, their love will find that part unique.Everyone has a past or a point in life they are just not happy with.So what, the person that loves you gets past it and wont bring it up during a down point.Talking things out calmly creates less stress and less agrue. Plus creates a better relationship :) thats always good. "Talk about it now cause if you dont it'll only cause more problems later."xoxo
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): You literally pretty much put my thoughts into words.
I'll be honest about this. Im not happy with my body. I know for a fact theres nothing wrong with it. Its just me.
But the way my boyfriend talks to me abou how beautiful i am. I feel a hell of a lot better. I really do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): You literally pretty much put my thoughts into words.
I'll be honest about this. Im not happy with my body. I know for a fact theres nothing wrong with it. Its just me.
But the way my boyfriend talks to me abou how beautiful i am. I feel a hell of a lot better. I really do.
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female
reader, Angela Switzer +, writes (9 January 2011):
Its true, loving someone is hard to come by if you cant trust, love, share, and care for that person. I will be honest with you..I have changed my ways of life 5 years ago and Im still not with anyone; I dont have sex with any man because the last person stole from me and told me he was homeless and it made me feel like dirt whereas my heart was crushed; hurt emotionally. So if you want to be honest and caring then do so but for any reason dont hurt the one emotionally by not caring; loving the other person before its too late. Honestly dont get wrapped up in drama from others who dont know the circumstances.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (7 January 2011):
 @ OP
Revealing everything early on would certainly save time (assuming we could do that without scaring people off just by open we are; as a guy, I'll tell you that chicks respond better to mystery than openness).
My contention is that, once everything is revealed, not everyone is going to stick around. Especially if, as you're saying, we are open at the beginning. If I were to reveal all my flaws in the beginning of a relationship, no girl would date me. They wouldn't have time to fall in love.
When we hide parts of ourselves, especially the bad parts, and exaggerate the good parts, others can get emotionally invested in us before we start to reveal the big secrets. That's how love forms. Not exactly romantic, I admit.
Take your example. If, on the first date, a girl told me she had fake hair and substantial debt, I would compliment her honesty, pay for the drinks, and leave. There's been no time for me to start caring about her. If she revealed those things later, maybe a few months in, I may be more likely to stay with her.
That's "more likely," though, not "guaranteed." Some flaws preclude love from some people - not all people, just some. Honesty closes doors, it shuts down relationships, and it ends friendships.
I still advocate honesty because the options that remain are the better ones. But it's gradually revealing things that allows love to form. Still, if someone reveals all their flaws and they are still loved, I'd argue it's only because those flaws were not dealbreakers for that particular couple, and not because love blinded anyone to them.
Trust, give, and communicate, but take your time, and be sure the target is worth the effort.
Still, it's a very beautiful sentiment, and the world would be a better place if I'm wrong.
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female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 There is nothing quite like having your heart torn out. You seem like a very sensitive person which is refreshing.
Stop attacking yourself and carrying all of that emotional baggage round from your past. Each time you start a relationship it is a fresh start, it's something new, it has no past.
I agree with you "Real love can never happen unless you can trust, give, and communicate." If you have real love, that will just flow.
I wish you success.
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female
reader, lija30 +, writes (6 January 2011):
lija30 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Odds , I understand what you are saying but In my ideal world people would reveal their true self and save time. If a girl told you up front this hair isnt mine..and the toe nails on my feet are not mine ..and oh yea im in debt...this would save you heartache, arguments, and confusion later.....but if she tell you all of this upfront and you still want to be with her...isn't that love?
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (5 January 2011):
I get where this is coming from. It's heartfelt and compassionate. Still, I take issue with this one part:
"Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could reveal everything about yourself and the person you love would still be standing there. Real love is when you can shed everything and be yourself."
That'd be great if everyone's self was wonderful and perfect. It'd be great if our flaws were manageable. Most people would even get along fine with terrible flaws if it looked like they had learned something from them.
Not even talking about physical flaws here. That's mostly a matter of biology, with some much smalelr amount of cultural influence. A realistic worldview can work around biology.
I'm talking about traits and history. People have a way of being perfect "right now" and then revealing the sad truth later. A guy can hide his WoW addiction for a while, but eventually he's going to say "I have to cancel our date, I'm in a raid." A girl can claim she's over her bad-boy phase, but one day she's going to get the hots for a guitar player in front of her nice guy boyfriend. Either one could have a kid from a previous relationship who requires time that would otherwise be spent with the new lover.
Sometimes, no matter how much we may love (or want to love) someone, they just have flaws that, when honestly revealed, show that our love is a bad investment that will only lead to heartache.
People don't close off their hearts without reason. Sometimes that really is the best thing to do. The only answer is to constantly work to fix our flaws, and to avoid making mistakes that would (rightly) convince future lovers that we're going to be a bad investment. Make ourselves worthy of love rather than worrying that other people won't love us.
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A
female
reader, aloregirl  +, writes (5 January 2011):
its not easy to trust again if you have been broken hearted but the only option is to trust with caution,reminding yourself that human are fallable. I think media should prepare people for real life situations instead of weaving fairtales to escape from reality. Only one in three thousand people fall in love for the time and end up being the person's life partner. Majority of married folk are not married to the love of their life. I appreciate the celebraties idea of what beauty is but i appreciate myself more. Many people are dissatisfied with bodies not because they are not beautiful but because they just dont believe they are. Even celebraties feel this way.why do you think they keep spending hard earned money to get fake body parts? My advice is, thank GOD for the body he has given you and show appreciation by keeping that body well and respecting it because if you think your legs are not thin enough, there is someone out there who would'nt mind just one of those legs. Thought provocking article,keep it up.
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