A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I found a message in my husband's email. It was from the owner of a company he has done some work for (who is a male), and he has an email address at that company i just became aware of. He has been hiding all of this from me. The message read something like this. We can't get work done if you don't come in. You tell me you'll be here at 9:00 and don't show up. You don't even call. I'm sick of you telling me lies (and i know it's bull shit) you don't even call not even the next day. I worry about you (and stupid me) i check on you. I still love you but i feel you don't love me and that you don't respect our friendship. He told me that they are just friends and that guys kid around that way. Please tell me if you believe guys talk to each other that way as joking. Please tell me what you think Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): Sounds very suss to me.. It sounds like the initmacy that goes with a lover's quarrel and dummy spit etc...It seems to me tht it is either a woman, or your man's gay...Sorry hon.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): never did think about the owners wife. but the hb did say that they guys were playing around. whoever it is, the hb has been getting down and dirty with he/she.
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female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (8 November 2009):
Are you sure this email is from the male owner and not a female? Like the male owner's wife?In my opinion, it is either from a woman or a gay man. And whoever it is, it seems like your husband has an intimate relationship with him/her.Sorry.
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (5 November 2009):
 Sounds off to me too. I have guy friends and we can make funny gay grab ass kinda jokes sometimes but it never sounds like hurt feelings. The kind of jokes we make are very off color and politically incorrect. Its the kind of thing I would never repeat here because it would really offend some folks.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 From the email, it sounds as though your husband did not come in as promised and that he has been sending signals that he "does not respect their 'friendship'".
Obviously, heterosexual men do NOT talk like this. However, I wonder if your husband is trying to distance himself from something? Could something inappropriate have transpired that he feels uncomfortable with?
Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): q1605, this is not the time for your smart comments. go read my other masterpeices elsewhere on DC and comment on my rant instead.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Sounds like a lover's quarrel to me, sister. Sorry
-G
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): my hubby would rather die than get caught using these affectionate tones and words towards another man.red flag red flag red flag..........do not listen to his pathetic excuses. this man has been f*cking the owner of the company. sorry to be blunt but your hubby is cheating on you - it is not with a female but with a male. please get checked for diseases.how are you going to handle this? I should point out if your hb knows you are on to him and his double life he will do drastic things, like threaten you, even assault you. He is also start hording money and assets of he thinks you are getting clever and wanting a divorce. I know it is hard but please start your own piss off fund. Sova all you can, hey cream some from the grocery and clothing budget. Wherever you can lay your hands on spare cash, you start hording. Be financially fit. I have found over the years that these men (and women) who lead double lives think nothing of leaving a path of destruction when they leave their partners for same sex lovers. They also strip their so called loved ones of everything- emotionally and financially. They believe that they are entitled to anything and everything and they destroy everything in their path in their quest for happiness. These people selfishly steal their partners lives for years before the ultimate betrayal. These drama queen antics makes them emotionally unsound and they believe that they are entitled to their happiness at any cost, once they decide to stop hiding in the closet. I am making a bold general statement above. Your husband may not want to leave you for his lover but please be realistic of what may happen going forward. Do not buy his bull that men talk to other men like this. Only lovers do and people in sexual relationships do.
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reader, boo22  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 Hi hun, he's cheating on you or has been with this guy. It's obvious really. Men don't mess around when it comes to sex either so i doubt very much that it's just been emotional.There's no way i'd go near him again without wearing a condom.He must be out of his mind writing an email like that for you to find. Almost like he wanted you to catch him.I don't know him of course, but theres no way in hell i'd believe anything that came out of his mouth again unless he started getting real and quick.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): He's bi-sexual. You shouldn't of confronted him with the e-mail, until you had more evidence. Now IF there is anything happening between them, you'll never find out. You should of not confronted him, and started paying attention to what he was doing, where he was going, without seeming to suspicious.[Even when cheaters are confronted by their suspicious partners, only 6 percent of men and women actually confess to the affair.] -http://webcenters.netscape.compuserve.com/love/package.jsp?name=fte/whycheat/whycheatThe bi-men I know, are like at least 90% hetero, meaning, 99% of the time they'll have sex with women and ONLY HAVE RELATIONSHIPS with women. They WILL NOT have relationships with men, and most of the time if they're with a guy it's only physical, nothing but lust not love and maybe a chick will be involved. Your guy, seems like he is EMOTIONALLY involved, but still leaning hetero.I suggest reading a book called, Five Married Men by Martin Brant. In one relationship in the book, it talks about how his wife was the WOMAN for him, if he wasn't with her, he'd be out looking for her. But, he suppressed his bisexual side when he married, well 20 years into the marriage, (in his 40's), I guess he realized he doesn't have much longer here, in his youth, etc, and the urge really become unbearable so he confessed to his friend, well he found out the friend was bi-sexual too, and there you go. It's not about you, you're not inadequate,etc. You need to find out if he's bi, and if so, is it emotionally, physically, both, etc. I also wanted to mention, there are bisexuals who stay committed, that feel when they are with that person, they are committed to them. At this point, I don't think there's anything you can do. He's going to deny it, and they won't meet for awhile, till things clear and start up. Hopefully you can get him to open up about it.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (5 November 2009):
 Seems a bit strange to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Are you sure a man wrote that? If I'm wrong though then he is or has been having an affair with him.I would never joke around by telling another guy I loved him. We are improving but are still very homophobic I'm afraid and don't find this kind of thing funny at all.I would be quite angry if some guy sent me this and I would have deleted it within 5 seconds.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Hun, men do not send other men emails like this... not even if they are joking.Lots of red flags here and I suggest you play detective and search deeper, then confront him with the evidence.
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female
reader, AskLadyJuJu +, writes (5 November 2009):
 personally i dont beleive that guys talk to eachother like that ..i mean is this guy his bestfriend? cuz bestfriends tend to do that but if its just a coworker then hes lying to you. i would check the email and maybe see if that person is really who he says it is..and possibly ask him why is he saying "i love you" in this message ..and see whats his excuse then dont jump into conclusions yet until you find out more...goodluck
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 November 2009):
 Wow. What a red flag. That is NOT how guys joke around with each other. Your instincts are correct, there is something wrong here.
If I were you, I'd do some more digging and figure out what has been going on, get some evidence together, then confront. You're entitled to know what kind of relationships he's been having. (That, and how is he making money if he's not showing up for work? Though that's the least of your issues.)
Good luck, you're going to need it!
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