A
female
age
36-40,
*cleodb007
writes:I've been with my boyfriend since july 2006, but than when 2008 hit he broke up with me at least 4 times because he wanted 'time to do his own thing for a while', and guy stuff like that. So, during probbaly our third break up, I find out he slept with one of my good friends. Since the incident, I have forgiven both him and her, and we are dating again. But jsut today, i was at her house and was reading their conversation history from around the time when it happened, and now it's all I can think about. I thought I had move on, but when I read all the things they were saying, and how they were talking about me being upset like I was a big joke. Now I almost feel worse than I did at the time, it just feels like it's happening all over again, only worse. I dont want to feel like this anymore, but these conversations, and this.. incident is all I can think about. Anyone have any advice on how I can deal with this pain, while still dating my boyfriend, and remaining friends with this girl?
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broke up, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Everything I said before stands.
But you had got over it. This was past times. Sure they were insensitive. You feel angry that they did this to you. You wish they did more of an apology then.
You can't change the past. But you can change the future. What you want to do with it is up to you. If you want to remain friends with them, and a girlfriend to him, then you'll have to use the present time to get over what happened. If you don't think you can do that, then your future is altered.
To be honest I would lash out at both of them, but then again the majority of my friends were push-overs at our younger age.
A
female
reader, mcleodb007 +, writes (8 July 2008):
mcleodb007 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo PinkyLou, well.. she went to work, and I read the conversation history on her computer. Her msn chat logs, I probably should have just left it alone, but curiosity killed the cat I guess. I guess she just didnt go through and delete them, because there were conversations with other people on her contact list too. I had moved on for.. a while, this all happened in March, so I just started talking to her again in may. I forgave him instantaneously, because thats the way I am with him. I just really thought I had moved on from all that, but now that I read those and I know how things really happened.. and not the way they said, it just.. makes it diufficult I guess.
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A
female
reader, PinkyLou  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Ok so you have been looking at the conversation history about what happened in the past. Was this on her phone? Why has she kept this? .If you are wanting to stay friends with this girl and stay with your boyfriend then you need to forgive and forget otherwise its gonna make things tricky. If you cant move on from this then there is no point in been in a relationship with this guy and staying friends with this girl Im sorry if that sounds blunt but its fact. You cant change the past hun but you can move forward.I cant understand why this girl has kept this coversation if she has why has she not deleted it? sorry if I got this bit wrong just guessing with what you have wrote. I do know this you was brave forgiving them in the first place I know I would not have hope you can move on from this with are without them Xx
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A
male
reader, Wulfgrimm  +, writes (8 July 2008):
Well, why would you want to be friends with this girl? She didn't care about you when she did it, do you think she wouldn't do it again?
As for him, why are you with him still? He broke up with you so he could sleep with other people and once he got that out of his system he came back, to me thats as bad a cheating. Not only that but your forgivness like that just gives him the go ahead to do it again.
I am sorry but I would leave them both far behind, you deserve better then that, from both him and her.
Thats the only instance you KNOW of, you say he broke up with you like 4 times for the same reasons? Yeah, it makes me raise my eye brow to that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): WHILE still dating with your boyfriend and remaining friends with some girl?!
I don't know...I'd probably explode in anger pretty quickly...
If you can let things go, move on from events and are able to keep yourself occupied (as well as reading the other advice I'm anticipating the other Aunts and Uncles will give you) then you could possibly do it.
But personally I'd be very impressed if you could. They both deserve a slap. What sort of friends do that?!
Sorry I'm luring you to do something you don't want to do. As I said, keep yourself occupied. Just try and move on. Talk to your other friends. Go out with them.
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