A
male
age
36-40,
*iggywp
writes:"OP Own Title"I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5years now and it seems like throughout the whole time we have been together a reoccuring fight stems back to her clingyness. Just yesterday we had another one and we talked about breaking up and I haven't seen her since and in a way... I am putting it off to figure it out once and for all. I'm so confused and I think this is just the last time I don't want to make up just to bandage the problem until it comes up again. Of course theres both the goods and bads of our relationship and I see that. But sometimes it feels like over time I've just given up a lot of aspects of what I enjoyed doing to comform to what she wants me to do, and its like I'm in a pursuit to get it all back. Around the 2 year mark. In 2005-06, I had a group of friends that and it seemed like everytime I went out with them it would end up in her chucking a sad at me and us fighting. Being young and not knowing how to deal with the issue properly I ended up giving up those friends to spend time solely with her. This was a mistake I deeply regret, even though it was me in the end who made this decision, at times I still blame her because she drove me to that extent. So from that period onwards any friendships we made were ones that we made as a couple. I started to catch up with other old friends again in 2007 and it took some effort but from then on we established that every Friday is my boys night, while other nights are either just us two together or to hangout with the groupe of friends that we socialise with together. The exceptions to this Fridays only business is if its a special occasion like a birthday etc or if I let her know in advance which is usually impossible because guys always like to arrange things last minute. Over time she does keep improving her level of understanding... but sometimes its not enough I just hate the whole feeling under the gun when it comes to time that I am spending away from her. Especially when she doesn't realise that one day she maybe more understanding another she reverts back to clingyness. Before I met my girlfriend I was the type of person who liked doing my own thing spent most of my time sitting on the computer and hanging out alot as one of the boys. We have lived together for the last 3years and in her mind every moment that we are together we should doing something together. She loves to veg out on the couch watching tv, so if say I'm on the comp in the other room for awhile or if we're in the same room and shes laying on the bed while I'm on the computer she eventually starts going on about how why aren't I spending time with her and how I could be doing these things while she's sleeping. Pretty much it all boils down to my independent nature conflicting with her needyness. The positives of our relationship is shes very good natured and loving. When I didn't have my license in the past she was happy to drive me around. She cooks for me, packs me lunch and is generally very sweet to me.But there are also lots of things about her that annoy me and that is the other problem with our relationship. There are certain things about her that I try to change and she gets pissed off and says I'm trying to change her as a person. For example shes got this nose condition where its like she has hay fever all year round and causes her nose to be clogged up most of the time... it drives me crazy because snot snorts so frequently and I just hate the sound and find it off putting. So I'm always recommending a different product that might solve her problem. She also leaves her used tissues everywhere and I'm always telling her to throw them away. She has a bad habit of not taking a shower for a few days at a time during the winter and that really turns me off. She's bad tempered so despite being very sweet and nice, she can also be snappy at times, gets worked up over and picky at little things. For example the other day we were at an icecream shop and just ordered waffles she handed me over some extra coinage so I wouldn't have to break another note and just because I was holding the money in what she considered a retarded way and dropped it.. she starts shaking her head sighing getting all ansy, things like that just get on my nerves like just get over it big deal its not like the world just ended. She also swears and raises her voice a lot for a girl and sometimes can't control herself in the heat of the moment no matter where we are or who we are with and out of public embarassment of how she can't just hold it in until we get home and we can yell it out all she wants.
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female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 This is not a healthy relationship, and I honestly think that you should end it. I realize that you two have been together for five years, and that the "honeymoon" phase wears off in that time, but honestly, it sounds like it's been bugging you from the beginning.When you get into a relationship, you should not get into it hoping that something that you dislike about that person will change once they are with you. This is the ultimate disease for relationships that soon spreads and kills them instantly. If it bugs you at first, just realize that it is NEVER going to change, and that, if anything, it will probably get worse. Her clingy-ness will only get worse with time.My boyfriend and I do spend a TON of time together. We've been together for a year and a half. We hang out in our apartment a lot together, and we also hang out with friends together. But the thing is, it's just because we're FORCED to do things together, it's because we WANT to do things together. We're each others' best friends and we enjoy each others' company. Not to mention, we both hold down full-time jobs with nearly opposite schedules. I also just finished up with school, so we don't spend every waking moment together. We have plenty of space that we get from each other, so the time that we do get, we cherish. We also spend time with BOTH of our groups of friends, mine and his. His friends suck, honestly. They're lazy and rude and selfish, but as long as he's happy hanging out with them, I don't mind. He's also hung out with them without me there. Everyone needs their freedom.Also, as far as things she does that bug you, don't expect those to get better. There are things that my boyfriend does that I honestly wish he would get better at, but honestly, they just make him more endearing to me. He hardly ever puts his dishes in the dishwasher when he's done with them, but I don't resent him for it. I just wait for them to build up a bit, then do them all at once for him. He does a lot for me (cooking, cleaning the bathroom, etc.), so I don't mind doing things for him like that. He also doesn't take notice when things are low in the kitchen, so I'm always the one to go out and replace them. Again, I don't mind doing things like this, because they are things that will benefit us as a couple, and I certainly don't resent him for it. I know that he genuinely appreciates the things I do for him.If your girlfriend's behaviors are bothering you this much, you really need to end things. Could you imagine spending the rest of your life with restrictions? Could you imagine NEVER spending time with another person without her there to monitor it? It just sounds like she's very insecure in your relationship, which isn't healthy for you. I strongly suggest you end it. Otherwise, you'll be asking this same question again a couple years down the road once you two are engaged or married. I hope that's not the case...
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