A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneIve just broken up with my boyfriend of two years... It was me that ended it but i didnt want to. I just didnt feel it was fair to keep going with it when I wasnt in love with him any more. I know Im not ready yet but when do you think is a good time to move on? I would hate to get with someone new and realise its rebound. As i say, Im not ready just yet. Another thing is that a good friend of mine mentioned he is looking for a friends with benefits type thing. Now, he didnt say he meant with me.. but it just made me think- is this kind of arrangement wrong? People keep telling me to do stuff like this- friends with benefits or other stuff liek it. but i have never had sex appart from a commited relationship so tbh i really dont know about this !any one got any experience on any of these things? My heads all a bit of a muddle atm, i really did love him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone :)
thing is he was mainly lovely when we're together. and I have never been with anyone else so dont even know how thatllwork out. but i wont go with someone jut for sex tbh. I never understood that, and i think i would regret it. from what you've all said ive realised that even more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did say i needed a hug so i guess thats my fault really. i think youre right i kinda need to do nothing but itll take a lot of getting over.
He does have a pic of me but he said he deleted it. not naked.. but still not something i would want any one else to see. I trusted him more than anything in the world but after him talking about me like that the other day i dont know :/
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): I don't morally disapprove of other people for having FWB relationshiops. I guess it suits some people. That's all good if it works for them.
But I personally do not like FWB situations. I won't do it and I find it unattractive to know that a girl has done it before.
IMHO at least 90% of all FWBs end up with someone getting feelings and ending up with heartache. For most of that 90% it's the female. The vast majority of the time it's a girl giving some guy free sex because he doesn't want to give her a committed dating relationship and she's trying to fuck him into changing his mind. (Of course that never works, that will actually hurt her chances of getting a real relationship with him if anything.)
The other times people do FWB it's a girl or a guy who doesn't want to get hurt and they mistakenly think they can decide not to get feelings and stop it from happening. That has a little better odds of working but still not great.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim feeling that the fwb route isnt a good one. Dont think its gonna happen tbh especially after what you guys have said.
With what i said about my friend, that isnt a bad thing is it? I mean for him. I dont want to be leading him on and dont know if this is.
I havnt been single since i was 16, which feels like a long time at my age :) (yes im sensible enough to know i wont always feel like this... still feels awful at the moment though) ...and i guess i dont really know whats ok now ! I hate the idea of leading him on, he means so much to me as a friend
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit doesnt feel like i did the right thing, yet i know i did if that makes sense..
I know i would never be with him again especially as he was talking about me in a public chat room (can you believe that?!) sayiong stuff like "when she realises her mistake will i want her back" little things like that are really hurting me atm.
I had the best hug with a friend the other night. and thats all he is... a friend. we watched a film and had a cuddle and it made me feel a bit better. Like before I couldnt imagine anything with anyone else. But though that was just as friends it sorta helped?
My ex thinks im ok and keeps saying i dont feel bad cos im the one that ended it... i think he is trying to guilt trip me into getting bck with him. he does it a lot. Fact is i am upset. i didnt want it to happen either. I cant make myself love him and i didnt decide to stop :'(
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit doesnt feel like i did the right thing, yet i know i did if that makes sense..
I know i would never be with him again especially as he was talking about me in a public chat room (can you believe that?!) sayiong stuff like "when she realises her mistake will i want her back" little things like that are really hurting me atm.
I had the best hug with a friend the other night. and thats all he is... a friend. we watched a film and had a cuddle and it made me feel a bit better. Like before I couldnt imagine anything with anyone else. But though that was just as friends it sorta helped?
My ex thinks im ok and keeps saying i dont feel bad cos im the one that ended it... i think he is trying to guilt trip me into getting bck with him. he does it a lot. Fact is i am upset. i didnt want it to happen either. I cant make myself love him and i didnt decide to stop :'(
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit wasnt fair to keep going, i meant.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): You are young...you have all the time in the world. There is no rush to find yourself right now, even though you may feel lost and feel like you need to. If you need to feel validated sexually, do what feels natural. A FWB, regardless of the fact that it's just sex, IS a relationship. You aren't ready for a rrelationship. yet, probably. I'm not condoning a one night stand, but if you trust someone, and there are no strings attached, I would go for it...but don't expect that it's going to set your head straight or get you on track. Only YOu can do that. Love yourself for a while...maybe with a little help from a very trusted male friend, or better yet, a vibe...just till you are back to a sense of yourself. Give it time. You are young and thre are plenty of men out there and always will be.
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A
female
reader, Pt88  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 Been there, I do not suggest FWB, in most cases, one or the other gets attached, feelings get hurt, hearts get broken. As for moving on, when its time.....you'll just know. Take things day by day, it hurts now, but you'll move on, you'll meet someone new. You did the right thing, and should take comfort from that.
Best Wishes :)
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