A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Moderator note: three questions combined I’ve recently had oral with my boyfriend. It was my first time, but not his. He says he cares more about making me feel good than himself, and wouldn’t mind if I never touched him at all. I feel the same way. We talk about the future a lot already, how much we want to be together, and he's a total gentleman. We’ve both agreed to wait until marriage, but given the below information about my 1 month old relationship, do you think our pace is too fast? 1. We did hand jobs first, which we’d done before, I did him first. He asked if I was tired after a while, and then that I gave him the best feeling he’s ever had and that he was going to make me feel so good. Was this all to just boost my confidence because he knows I’m new to this? Or was it because he wanted me to stop? Or was he genuine? 2. As I gave him a hand job I wanted to talk to him like he does to me (“did I find it?” “You’re very wet,” “do you like that?” “are you ok?”). I feel like my lack of communication is taking away from things. Do you get that impression from what I’ve said? After giving me a hand job he asked to try going down on me to make me feel even better. I didn’t get off in the hand job or oral, which I think is because I was nervous. During his hand job, was it a weird to ask how far his finger got into me? Should I care? Does he?And he told me it’s a good thing how wet I get. Is that a turn on?My question is about how quiet I am. I asked him before if it bothered him and he said no. When I tried to talk to him I ended up asking questions and probably sounding insecure or bored. He didn’t go down on me very long and I think it’s because he got bored or something worse. Possible? Is it abnormal that I’m quiet? I mean I tried to moan or sigh a bit during that, but it takes thought and effort. How do I go about encouraging or guiding him? I think me talking to him (not questions, but something informative or hot) would be more of a turn on. What should I say? Is there I can say specifically before or after giving him head?3. I already talked to him about what happened. And I think he feels like I’m having doubts. He said it didn’t have to happen again. It’s not that I don’t want to I just think our relationship has lost its focus on the mental and emotional and more towards physical as we got more comfortable. Not that I don’t want to be comfortable, I just want a good balance. He won’t associate these things if I say I just want to kiss and cuddle when he visits tomorrow?My questions are to help me figure things out after giving my boyfriend oral for the first time. He's not a virgin and I am, so I want to make the next head job the best he's ever had because we both know sex isn't an option until marriage. He did cum this first time and I swallowed, which he later said was hot. True? (During it he'd warned me he was going to cum, he said this was because he knows some girls don't like it).1. Probably a dumb question but… is he or am I responsible for the actual movement? Like… am I supposed to move my head up and down or does he just pelvic thrust in… or both? 2. Does the noise from it going in and out a turn off? (Sometimes his penis being pushed in while I breathed out through my nose actually made it rush out and sounded like a slight snort. I was a little self-conscious about it) 3. Also, why did he push on the back of my head a few times? It makes me feel like it’s a power trip, even though I would never have thought he’d be like that, he’s a totally gentleman and sweetheart. We talk about the future a lot already, how much we want to be together so it's nothing short-term or empty.4. Is it normal to feel bad that he had to guide me a bit even though he said he didn’t mind? 5. Should I believe him if he says I'm the best he's ever had? Should I feel like he's comparing me to past girlfriends? Or how can I keep from feeling that way.5. Anyyy technique pointers. I want to blow his mind.I'd like him to kiss me and give my breasts some attention during this too. How do I approach that, before during or after?Also, how do I show him I'm enjoying myself?
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blow his mind, breasts, confidence, hand-job, insecure, swallow Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (1 June 2010):
 God, you think too much!
Anyway, let me give this a shot- these are regarding your second set of questions.
1. Do whatever it is you are more comfortable with. It doesn't matter. Gagging would not be much fun, so you may not want to let him move too much until you've figured out how much you can handle.
2. Stop being self-conscious. It's sex, not an examination.
3. 'Power trip' is too strong a word. Part of it may just be trying to control the pace at which you're going. Personally I don't mind much when a guy does that.
4. If you're new to it, don't sweat.
Regarding swallowing it, guys LOVE it when a girl swallows. I guess for them it's the ultimate compliment. If you're comfortable with doing it, go ahead - knock yourself (and him) out.
A
female
reader, ChristineAvril  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Good response from "anonymous", but if you have difficulty communicating your thoughts to him, show him your post on here and any replies that you get.
Also, "Double M" has a masterclass on oral - look him up and read him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): Answers for some of your questions:2. As I gave him a hand job I wanted to talk to him like he does to me (“did I find it?” “You’re very wet,” “do you like that?” “are you ok?”). I feel like my lack of communication is taking away from things. Do you get that impression from what I’ve said? *I don’t think most guys need to hear that stuff. He was being considerate when doing you because you’re new to all this stuff and he needs to learn what works for you. You’ll get all the feedback you need from him when he either (a) wilts, or (b) finishes. Guys don’t need endearments during a hand job.*During his hand job, was it a weird to ask how far his finger got into me? Should I care? Does he?*He was probably just trying to make sure he wasn’t doing anything that didn’t work for you.*And he told me it’s a good thing how wet I get. Is that a turn on?*Yes, it’s definitely a turn-on. Guys take it as an affirmation that you’re turned on, which is the most important thing.*My question is about how quiet I am. I asked him before if it bothered him and he said no. When I tried to talk to him I ended up asking questions and probably sounding insecure or bored. He didn’t go down on me very long and I think it’s because he got bored or something worse. Possible? Is it abnormal that I’m quiet? I mean I tried to moan or sigh a bit during that, but it takes thought and effort. How do I go about encouraging or guiding him? I think me talking to him (not questions, but something informative or hot) would be more of a turn on. What should I say?*Some girls are loud. Some aren’t. If his prior experience is with a screamer, or if he’s taking his cues from porn, then a gal who is naturally quiet is a problem since he doesn’t feel he’s getting feedback and no news is bad news. Be yourself. If making noise isn’t natural for you, then you just have to find some way to reassure him that it was good for you. Faking it is a bad idea. Better for him to know he’s getting a genuine reaction. But if he doesn't think that going down on you is working for you, he'll likely stop*Is there I can say specifically before or after giving him head?*I had a girlfriend once who, believe it or not, would ask “is some fellatio in order?” Do not say that. Read his body language, and if you’re in the mood to do it, just do it.*He did cum this first time and I swallowed, which he later said was hot. True? *I can’t speak for all guys, but I find swallowing an amazing affirmation. But spitting is fine, if she’s more comfortable. For me the key thing is being able to cum in her mouth. If she doesn’t want it, I’m still grateful for oral, but it’s not the same.*(During it he'd warned me he was going to cum, he said this was because he knows some girls don't like it).*That, my dear, is the sign of a gentleman.*1. Probably a dumb question but… is he or am I responsible for the actual movement? Like… am I supposed to move my head up and down or does he just pelvic thrust in… or both? *It depends on what you’re comfortable with. If the movement is all on your part, then you’re giving him a gift. If he’s thrusting, then he’s f***ing your mouth, which is quite a different thing. If you don’t care for the latter, then make it clear to him by your actions. Particularly when you’re new to it, it’s important that you keep control if for no other reason so you don’t gag. Put your hand at a point that he can't put too much in*2. Does the noise from it going in and out a turn off? (Sometimes his penis being pushed in while I breathed out through my nose actually made it rush out and sounded like a slight snort. I was a little self-conscious about it) *He’s just grateful that you’re doing it at all. There is nothing to be self-conscious about.*3. Also, why did he push on the back of my head a few times? It makes me feel like it’s a power trip, even though I would never have thought he’d be like that, he’s a totally gentleman and sweetheart. *It might be ignorance on his part, it might be from watching porn. My wife made it abundantly clear at the outset that my hands had no role whatever in the process. If you don’t like it, don’t allow it. See above, re. f***ing your mouth*5. Should I believe him if he says I'm the best he's ever had? Should I feel like he's comparing me to past girlfriends? Or how can I keep from feeling that way.*Dumb thing to say on his part. He was probably trying to pay you a compliment, but it’s just not something a guy should ever say. Accept it as a compliment and ignore his ignorance.*I'd like him to kiss me and give my breasts some attention during this too. How do I approach that, before during or after?*Move his hands to where you want them. Or if you want him to suck them, move yourself accordingly. Unless he’s an idiot, he’ll get the message.*Also, how do I show him I'm enjoying myself?*That’s tough if you’re not vocal. Just be genuine, be yourself, and do your best to really enjoy. He should figure it out.*
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A
male
reader, JoSeF1 +, writes (1 June 2010):
i dnt have answers to all the questions but i can tell u this, u dont have to do anything a "correct way", if both of you enjoy doing something a certain way, then u got it madehe sounds like a very nice person, suprising for a guy, just don't be nervous about it, intimacy is simply 2 people making each other feel good with that special connection,(thats why i can't stand loose moralled people, sickens me). just enjoy urself in the mood, guys arent hard to please... most the time... my case anyways... yea!
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