A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been a good relationsship for nearly 20 years. My partner doesn't want to get married or have children (though initially he wanted both and then changed his mind about 3 years into the relationship and then asked me to marry him about 7 years into the relationship because he knew I was about to walk away). I've always wanted to get married and have children but I've never pushed him. After 13 years of being engaged, I've just broken up the engagement when I finalised realised marriage would not happen, but we are still together. When I broke off the engagement he said he wanted to be married to me but didn't want the 'fuss'. I've always said i'd rather elope than have a big wedding. Now that we are no longer engaged and I have no expectation from him, he thinks we should get married on our 20th anniversary. I feel he is only saying this to keep me - I don;t trust his promises anymore. Apart from this issue, he is a fantastic man who treats me with respect and love. What should I do - runaway and find someone who will marry me because he wants to marry me or stay in this relationship, married or not?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Ask yourself what would be materially different if you got married. If there would be no difference, why get married? There's a lot to be said for 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'.
If you just want his name and any children to have his name, just change your name by deed poll and call yourself Mrs. That way there would be no fuss whatsoever to him.
A
female
reader, Amity=Friendship  +, writes (18 January 2009):
Well, it sounds like you have another man that is scared of commitment. He probably wants to keep you because he knows that no matter what else bad is happening in his life he will have you to fall back on and keep him sane. He wants to be with you forever, but he doesn't want the commitment and responsibilities, such as children, marriage, and "the fuss." You need to sit down and talk to him and come clean about all of your feelings then, if he still doesn't want anything more, decide for yourself if this is where you really need to be. Which is more important to you: Being with this man in a life-long "date" or finding someone else that will one day want to marry you and commit?
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