A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:there is something I have been wondering about mainstream porn and I would like to hear mens responses. I have noticed in porn that none of the women seem to have the usual bodies of most women. I never see scars, stretch marks or sagging breasts. Of course, Im not talking about amateur porn but rather the mainstream porn like in mags and professional websites. 'Im a mom and msot of my female friends and I have at least some of these things, but these women are either airbrushed or dont have these type of bodies. It seems when I go out a VERY small proprotion of women look anything like in the mainstream porn. Im wondering are these women without these flaws because given a choice men would rather not see them? Do men value and find women without the female changes that often come with motherhood sexier?Honest answers please.
View related questions:
breasts, porn, stretch marks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): Zoeycee...you 'work in the porn industry as a model'?
Not trying to judge you (I've probably done most of the things you've done without expecting any payment). But...'a model'? C'mon!
'you do have to take care of yourself to be in the industry'...from what I've read about the lives of porn stars, they're not exactly renowned for 'taking care of themselves'. The mortality/drug addiction/suicide rate seems to be through the roof. Munching diet pills day and night to maintain a super-skinny figure doesn't equate to 'taking care of yourself', as in eating two or three square meals a day and getting adequate sleep.
'I'm sorry if we make you feel inferior, but maybe you should consider working out or eating better'...I'd bet my last tube of lube that the OP 'eats better' than you do, and doesn't feel 'inferior' in any genuinely non-superficial sense. (As far as body image goes, of course we all like to be slim.) And I'm glad to hear that 'most women stop after they have children'.
OP...my ability to answer your question as a 'man' is maybe somewhat less than it might be, but yes, people prefer watching porn with people who conform to the body ideal. Toned, taut, flexible. But as you point out, very few real women look like the girls you see in porn. So, I wouldn't worry, you're not in a Miss Universe contest against them.
Men might not vote to keep the scars, stretch marks and sagging breasts if they had the option of getting rid of them, but it won't stop them wanting and appreciating real women with all their physical 'imperfections'.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): First of all, something that should put your mind at ease: the editing room/camera angles can work wonders on stretch marks and other skin flaws, but there's nothing they can do about an ugly face. Which isn't really an issue, since no man is looking at the faces of the girls in porn. Porn satisfies a very specific and base desire in straight men, it isn't really something we expect or even want women to compete with. Do you want to be with a man who doesn't care about anything above your neck?
...............................
A
female
reader, zoeycee +, writes (11 September 2009):
I'm going to say this without trying to sound rude. I work in the porn industry as a model, and I can tell you most people don't look at porn because they want to see saggy breasts or stretch marks. What would make you think that someone would? You don't have to be a size zero, but you do have to take care of yourself to be in the industry. Also, most women stop after they have children. I'm sorry if we make you feel inferior, but maybe you should consider working out or eating better.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): I always think porn girls are uglier than normal girls. They tend to have busted faces and huge gaping vaginas. Now I am a 21 yr. old girl with acups so the big boobs are a bit of a sore subject, but I don't know I saved my virginity to 19 for the guy I'm still with. Mostly I think naturally beautiful girls who are classy and have self esteem are more of an attraction flaws included than the desperate, sad souls who find themselves filming porn. A lot of girls out there try to hard tanning themselves despite the aging and cancer risk, dying their hair blonde to be some guy's fantasy while in the process ruining their hair. I keep my hair my natural color and stay out of the sun. Guys flock to me at parties because I'm nice and not fake.Don't feel bad. Natural beauty is magical.....fake compensation never will be.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): Porn is about fantasy...and fantasy is good but ultimately unrealistic and this needs to be kept in perspective. Porn can satisfy the 'other' woman/man fantasy that we all have at times if we are honest... and it could be argued that watching porn now and then may do a good service if it keeps a person from actually seeking this other fantasy person in reality.
My wife and I have watched porn now and then, nothing intense, but it is always with the goal to enhance our own love making.
Speaking of which Porn is simply about sex and instant gratification...it is not about love, or making love for that matter.
If you love someone and especially if you have been with them a long time then minor flaws should not matter. Also in a healthy real life relationship neither the male or female can be expected to compete with porn stars.
Remember the largest sex organ is the brain and there is a reason that there are light switches in the bedroom......with a little imagination the majority of people can look like a porn star in the sexy flicker of candle light.
Open your minds - keep porn in perspective - and as the song goes: love the one your with
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): Sorry, I have nothing constructive to say, but I totally understand how you feel - I haven't had children yet, but I used to be overweight, and I'm not toned and perfect, I have small breasts and my hips are riddled with stretch marks, not to mention fat thighs with cellulite... I'm a 20 year old, and I should feel happy about my body, but I don't since all men (and my boyfriend) seem to have this ideal of a plastic, fake living Barbie doll. I don't fantasize about muscular guys, because I don't like that look. So I guess I don't understand that, although I admit most women prefer that look, but I don't.This kind of made me smile. I read it and totally agreed with it.http://howtotellifaguyisajerk.blogspot.com/2007/04/objectifying-and-sexualizing-men-my-day.htmlI hate mainstream porn, yes, because of my insecurities, but well. I hate it. But I guess I just have to get used to it, since most men (and especially the ones from my generation) use it all the time, so I guess I don't have to see it as a substitue, and just have to accept it. Sometimes we have to accept things we don't like, like taxes, illneses, etc., porn is just another one of those things. Some women (who are *blessed* with great self confidence, kudos!) and men really find nothing wrong with porn and accept it, even embrace it, but some of us can't, and yes sometimes it's due to insecurity, that doesn't mean our feelings aren't valid though... so please don't bash my post. I know some people don't understand how someone can feel insecure or jealous over images, but when you don't have such a fantastic body, it's hard not to feel at least abit inadequate.
...............................
A
male
reader, tony40star  +, writes (24 July 2009):
 Tell you what im 39 love seeing stretch marks and a bit of fat its good and natural, skinny teenagers flat stomach no wrinkles does not last forever. My wife has a nice ass a bit round and Its the best she has small to medium breasts so I would look for this in porn when she is not home it turns me on cause that is what she has...Tony
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (24 July 2009):
 Uncle Phil hits the nail on the head - men dont want to look at women who have had children and aged in porn because they already have that at home. Just as us women wouldnt want to look at a topless bald man with a beer gut and a hairy back. So you could argue based on your idea that women dont value men once they have started ageing, but we know this isnt true.
Men like to look at attractive women, simple. It doesnt mean that they would choose a porn star in real life over their wife/girlfriend, it just means they like to look at attractive, young women.
We all know that aging and motherhood has negative effects on the body, and that is just a fact of life. I think I would be worried if I was with a man who thought me aged 50 was sexier than a 20 year old porn star!
It is pointless to even worry about men's porn - like you said these women are heavily airbrushed and they dont look like that in real life. Every mole, spot, scar etc is removed. If you saw a porn star in real life you would be suprised how normal looking they are, everyone has flaws. Men just like to look at these "ideals", it is a fantasy and these women fulfill that fantasy. Just as some sexy muscular 20 year old gardener, doing the garden with no shirt on with sweat running down his six pack would be the fantasy of many women!
Too many women seem to be having this battle with pornography, it seems to affect us girls in so many ways - from our self-confidence to our moral beliefs! And I have no idea why, they are just pictures or movies of airbrushed "fake" women used by men for sexual release. There is nothing more to porn than that, and women should not be threatened by the women we see in porn! Not many women feel threatened by female celebrities like we do with female porn stars, yet they are just as "perfect" looking with unattainable looks for the masses. So why do we feel more annoyed by the image of a playboy bunny than Jennifer Aniston?
The answer to that I actually dont know, I am not a woman that cares about either porn stars or celebrities. They have thousands and thousands of dollars to spend on looking like that, they have a team of people to make them look that good. So strip them of the airbrushing and the make-up and the hair extensions and you will find a normal woman who has to go the gym every day to keep in shape.
I dont put myself under that pressure to look like that because I know its not real! I am happy with my body, it is nowhere near perfect but I dont care. Because one day when I find a man and have kids with him I know he wont be perfect either, and he will love me for who I am, and he will see any scars or stretchmarks as little reminders of the things we have gone through together. Sure I wont be as sexy to him as some 20 year old porn star but then again when I get to that age I wont want to go back to being 20 and trying to be sexy all the time!
Give men a break, they are just looking at these women and nothing more. Love your own body and ignore anything you see or hear in magazines etc, it means nothing when you love yourself for who you are!
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): A nubile, fit 20 year-old woman with a flat stomach who has not given birth will obviously look sexier and more attractive than a 30 year-old woman who has been run ragged for the last 8 years by screaming kids, much the same, I imagine, that a woman would find a fit 20 year-old man with a six-pack stomach more attractive than a rather older one who has a beer gut and bald head.
Stretch marks aren't particularly sexy, but then again neither is a beer gut and both appear at about the same time.
These women in magazines and porn get the job because they have pretty neat looking bodies, just the same as the men are particularly well-endowed and keep going for an exceptionally long time, both to the point of being abnormal.
I don't think 'value' is quite the right word. 'Appreciate' would be more like it, and the answer to that question is 'no'.
...............................
|
