A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay I'm sorry to say this but I have the typical female teenage problem. I'm 15 (Nearly 16) and in love with my teacher.Please don't think I'm some silly, naive, clueless little girl because I'm not. I know I have no chance with him whatsoever not only because of the age gap but because he's being paid to teach me and not kiss me, it would be grossly innapropriate and why an earth would he be attracted to a girl half his age?I could spend about half an hour gushing about him but I won't. I'll simply say he'sa brilliant guy. Not particularly attractive but he's got great charisma. We get on very well and I honestly think in another world where we were the same age we could be together. We have similar interests, exchange great banter and get on very well. I do think he likes me (As a friend/pupil!) and favours me over other pupils. I hope we have at least some form of friendship.However it's not just a crush, I care for him. Care for him so much I'd never tell him my feelings just so he doesn't get upset. My love is also slightly obsessive. Whenever I'm in town I look out for him, always hoping to see him; I even looked his name up in the phonebook (Though God forbid I'd never do anything, I'm not one of those people who would actually stalk a guy or ring him up). I'm just constantly thinking about him and replaying our conversations in my head.I love him so much it hurts and I get very down and so depressed that it's unrequited I feel physically sick. I've started self-harming because it's the onething I can control in my life. I need to get over him but I can't give him up. There's some small part of me saying "What if he did love me?" even though I know he doesn't.Only one of my closest friends knows the nature of our "relationship" because I find it hard to tell people my feelings face to face.I need help to get over him, because it's affecting all of the aspects of my life. My grades are dipping and as I'm in Year 11 it's important they don't. It's also not allowing me to have "normal" relationships with other guys. How do I break this obsessive love? Please help me sort this mess out, I'd love to have someone to talk to :-) xThank you (if you didn't give up!) for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the replies. They are brilliant and have helped me consider the situation in a whole new light - thank you :)For the past 3 days I haven't self-harmed - and i intend not to again.
A
female
reader, thats_not_my_name +, writes (19 October 2008):
 hi! you sound a lot like me. i was in love with my teacher for just over a year and i was just as obsessed as you, so know that you are not alone. you seem like you have a sensible attitude towards this, you know that nothing can happen and that it would hurt him if you told him how you felt. however, i know that this doesn;t solve anything! does he still teach you? my love for my teacher started to fade when he stopped teaching me though of course i missed him terribly. if he deos still teach you try and use your obessesion to your advantage. listen to him in class (hopefully he's a good teacher as well as hot!) and try and please him by working hard and acheiving good grades. my grades went up dramatically last year cos of my teacher. i know what it's like to feel so depressed that you turn to self harming but in reality, it solves nothing. i find that keeping a diary really helps. that way you can vent your feelings, even pretned that you're talking to him but in a private way. talk through your problems also really helps. if you don't want to tell your friends then there are plenty of people on this website who i;m sure would be happy to help you. it is possible to break free from the hold he has on you. it may seem impossible now but it can and will happen. hope i helped a bit and if you ever want to talk just message me and i'll be happy to help :) good luck xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): Hi Babes,
How about we go for the other approach. It's ok to fall in love with somebody, there is nothing wrong with that. I understand that you will not act on your feelings, but you need a healthy way to deal with them that does not include self-harm. I'm in love with my ex partner, after 18years my relationship broke down and he left. When I try to stop loving him, when I think negative thoughts I get very sad and unhappy. But when I think nice thoughts, when I dream about him and think of happy times, then I feel better and glad for him. Maybe you can try this too. Don't try and stop your feelings, let the feelings of love flow through you. Don't fight your natural desires, just don't do anything about them. Imagine him smiling at you, think fantastic thoughts about him, and enjoy loving him in secret. Be proud of the secret love you carry for him, and think "if only he knew about my love, then he might feel like the strongest man in the world"... What we resist, persists, so lets try giving in to the feeling of love. Try to concentrate on your school work. When you are studying tell yourself, "I'm gonna prove how much I love him by being the best student in the world" This just might work honeypie... I don't want you to fall in love deeper, I just want you to stop suffering the pain.
Otherwise, a better suggestion is to go to your doctor and ask to see a counsellor, they will be able to help you with these strong feelings that you are having. You are doing nothing wrong my dear, feelings of love are beautiful and they are nothing to be ashamed off. However we can't always act on that love. Sometimes we love something and we can't have it, so we just have to suffer and bear the pain until it's over. And you will feel different one day. We fall in love with many people, but we don't get to be with everyone we love. Sorry babes, I know it's hard for you, and for this I am sorry. Be proud of yourself for loving this person, and staying away and suffering the pain. You are a sensible young girl, and the way you are acting should make you feel proud of yourself rather than ashamed... Take care of you always.. Good luck and blessings...
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice :)
I'n not going to tell him how I feel because I know the feelings aren't reciprocate and it would just embarras and upset me when he let me down (and most probably told senior memebers of staff) I have to get through another 2 years of this, ahhh!
How do i distance myself from him without cutting him out? Is it possible?
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female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (18 October 2008):
 It's hard to stop obsessing over someone you love, I've been there! But I've left school now and haven't seen him for months - and believe me, the obsession will fade within time. It really makes a difference when you don't have to see them every day.But in the meantime, theres not much you can do! Though I do beg you not to tell this teacher your feelings, I did it... and was left devastated by the consequences.All the best xx
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A
female
reader, troubledinlove  +, writes (18 October 2008):
sweetie dont worry about it i was a little younger but i did the same thing and after he left to go teach at another school believe it or not i did stock him i went completly crazy for him but now its all over in fact i had forgotten all about it until i read your question and if your like me and just about every other girl who has had a crush on a teacher that will just melt away dont worry about it honny ok
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