A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and I'm in my second year of University.I've been taking a class since September, and recently in the second semester, I've developed this massive crush on my professor.It all started when I had to go to his office to get help with an essay I'm writing. I was totally nervous the day I had to go, because I'm kind of a shy person, and the idea of spending time with a 28 year old single man totally freaked me out. So, that day I did my hair and makeup and everything, so I wouldn't feel kind of awkward.Anyway while I was there I realized we have some things in common. We both do research the same way, and when he saw how I did, he dug into his papers and showed me. Then, another person walked into his office, and I had to meet them, and my prof. introduced us, and the Grad Student was like, "oh, is she a good student?" and my prof. looks at me and smiles and he's like, "one of the best!" I thought I was going to keel over and die right there. Later, he had to show me something on his computer screen, so I had to lean in next to him to see, and I know how creepy and obsessive this is, but he smelled really good.Anyway after that, he started talking to me more in class, and after class while he's putting away his stuff, he'll start small conversations with me and he's invited me to his office to get help if I need it at least 3 times so far.What do I do!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): Thanks a lot everyone...
I really needed a kick in the butt to wake up...
I think he's worked too hard to get where he is to risk it on anything silly with a student anyway...
It's probably nothing more than a silly crush, and I'm sure it'll go away when the term ends...I hope...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): I just know how you feel. I have a teacher and she's so hot! I just can't take her away from my mind and I'm kinda obssessed cuz when she gets to close I start to freak out, but she just smiles, and she has a beautiful smile! She likes me a lot, like a student, but I don't know. I talked to some boys that are my friends and they said they like her too, but not as a crush, they just think she's hot. I'm 16 and she's 24 :o Good luck, I hope I find a way out too :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): You are reading far too much into it if you think from what you have told us here that your prof fancies you. He is just being nice; university is different from school- there is a new level of maturity expected. Therefore you cannot start thinking you teacher likes you just because he talks to you on an adult level or "has things in common" with you. Just try not to think about it- which I know is more easily said than done- and certainly don't do anything to act on it as it could seriously damage both you and your prof.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): Oh, dear... I have been there. There are so many stories on this site about young girls who are in love, have a crush on, or are in some way attracted to their teachers, but we rarely hear about those same feelings for a college professor. Let me tell you a story that will hopefully put you - and many other girls considering this - off a relationship with a university professor. I attend a college with a pretty relaxed student-teacher dating policy. As long as he/she is not grading you (so, if you are no longer in his/her class) it is totally "ok". I was in a very similar situation to yours. One of my professors was amazing - handsome, mature, funny, and intelligent. My story also started the same way yours did - I decided to go to his office and flirt with him, and we ended up talking for two hours. This became a weekly occurance, and we would usually just sit around getting to know each other, sharing secrets and lifelong dreams. We became so close that when his mother died, he invited me to the funeral. As the semester came to an end, I went over to his office as usual to say goodbye for the summer. Somewhere in our conversation, he sheepishly admitted he had a girlfriend. Needless to say, I was upset. I chose to leave and not talk to him any more, and he spent the entire summer e-mailing me, telling me how excited he was to see me and how much he missed me. While I was flattered enough to forgive him about the girlfriend situation, I didn't realize at the time that he was grooming me with his manipulation.When I got back for the fall semester, we started to go on actual dates. He would usually take me to coffee shops and restaurants far off campus - I thought he was being nice, but in reality he was just making sure none of his colleagues saw us. One night we were at dinner, and his girlfriend conveniently decided to show up and join us. She sat down like nothing had happened and asked me about myself while my professor went outside to smoke and avoid the whole thing. It was one of the most psychologically messed up situations of my life.Despite all this, I was so flattered by his attention that I still continued to put the thought of his girlfriend out of my mind. He had invited me on vacation with him, and he had also urged me to rent the house right next door to his. By the next semester, he had convinced me to take an independent study with him, which turned out to be an excuse for him to try and sleep with me in his office on a weekly basis. He was constantly quiz me on my love life, and if I so much as mentioned a guy he would fly in to a rage and turn into a complete bastard. Oh, yeah, but of course it was ok that he had a girlfriend the whole time! Meanwhile, rumors around campus were flying and I couldn't go near his department building without getting strange looks from other professors. Unfortunately, the manipulation continued. At one point, I found myself at his house for his 9 year old son's birthday party, complete with his girlfriend and ex-wife. I was somehow expected to get over the fact that I was the only one who didn't get what was going on.I finally realized what a horrible hold this man had had on me for almost a year and a half. I finally decided to ask him what the hell was going on with us, and he said that because of our 20+ year age difference, he just wanted sex because he didn't want to risk his "stable" relationship with his girlfriend for a 19 year old.That's when I'd had enough. I finally got out of the relationship, but it took months for me to emotionally heal. I later found out that he had done this over 6 times, all of which his girlfriend and his department had known about and turned a blind eye to.Unfortunately, I think a lot of these men are the same. While we might hear the stories of students who eventually marry their college professors, this guy you're talking about is probably just like the rest - he wants sex, probably has a girlfriend at home, and only uses your affection for him as an egotistical boost for later on.Please, save yourself the months and months of heartache I went through and DON'T EVEN GO THERE. You will be so happy in the end. Date someone younger and someone who is not in a position of authority. Stop going to visit him in his office, and limit after-class conversations to a minimum.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (17 February 2009):
 I'm sure there is a policy where teachers can't date students.just remember he is your professor, and maybe one day when you graduate and not his student then maybe something more can develop. But by then, you might not like him anymore.
I think you are crushing on him because he is super nice to you and give you attention. Also he is off limits so there is a lil danger involved. i bet if he were to act on any feelings and liked you too, you would freak out.
That is why its a crush. Its safe because a part of you knows its never going to happen.
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